


If It Makes You Happy (Then Why The Hell Are You So Sad)

by Bluebluebaby



Category: Jane the Virgin
Genre: AU, F/F, High School, Teen Angst, With a generous portion of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6780796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebluebaby/pseuds/Bluebluebaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lu and Su in high school, dancing around their feelings with the help of booze and denial. </p><p>Rafael does everything in his power to fix that. </p><p>WILL HE SUCCEED?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Will I See You in September?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from tumblr: "How about a Player!LuisaXSusanna in an AU High School setting with Luisa&Rafael brotp? Little brother Rafael tries to convince his big sister's best friend Susanna to make a move but Susanna refuses, too put off by Luisa's player ways. Susanna makes the mistake of never denying she is attracted to Luisa though. Cue little bro Rafael continuously running off all of Luisa's girlfriends and hook ups, unbeknownst to Luisa, determined to get his OTP together. His ship will sail, damn it!"
> 
> (Susanna and Luisa will both be 18 by the time they finally get together, so no issues with age of consent or anything, but this work does have teens being actual teens, having sex and sexual thoughts. It's also fiction, so take everything with a grain of salt <3)

_177 Days until Graduation._

 

It was only the first week of her senior year, but Susanna Barnett was already counting the hours until she would be rid of high school, once and for all. She wasn’t miserable, so much as just… _stuck._ Stuck taking classes she could have tested out of. Stuck in Miami, after her mother’s divorce, which was a far cry from the home she had known in Alabama. Stuck hopelessly in love with Luisa Alver, who had a habit of hooking up with any and all interested girls, and divulging all the details to Susanna.

 

(They were best friends, it wasn’t some weird sex thing. Not that there was anything wrong with that, other than the fact that Susanna had an unwelcome desire to be the only person Luisa hooked up with.)

 

With graduation, Susanna would be on her way to college, where she could actually pick her classes, live somewhere with discernible seasons, and most importantly, have Luisa Alver out of sight and out of mind.

 

_177 days._

_

 

She had met Luisa on her first day of school last year, first period AP Chemistry. Alver and Barnett were alphabetical neighbors, and so Miami Central’s most popular playgirl and its new country bumpkin became lab partners. Susanna half expected to be shouldered with all the work while Luisa flirted with their classmates, but when Luisa showed her already-finished report and immaculate equations, she knew she had met her match.

 

“This class is a joke. Everyone knows we’re just making acetic acid. Wanna see what we can catch on fire?”

 

Luisa winked, and the rest, as they say, was history.

 

Susanna supposed Luisa had pulled her usual m.o. at the beginning of their friendship, giving Susanna lingering touches and making innuendo at every turn, but they had quickly bonded over a genuine curiosity for the world around them. They discussed documentaries at lunch and swapped weird medical facts during boring lectures. Susanna’s mother insisted she invite her new friend over for dinner, and suddenly Luisa was at the Barnett’s every Wednesday, charming two-year old Tyler and endearing herself to her mother, who treated Luisa like the daughter she had never had. (Luisa loved _The Bachelor,_ too, and that was really all her mama needed to bond with someone.)

 

_

“Ugh, you will not _believe_ what Rose did this time!”

 

(Luisa had had a tumultuous on-again/off-again affair with Central’s Student Body President, head cheerleader, and girlfriend of the Captain of the Football team for the last two years. Susanna was the only person who knew, apparently, and was thus the receptacle for all of Luisa’s frustrated venting.)

 

Susanna bites into her sandwich, already half-tuned out. (It’s not the most mature response, but there are worse coping mechanisms.)

 

“Let me guess. Made you hide in a dumpster when Dirk came around the corner unexpectedly while your hands were up her shirt?”

  


“That was _one time!_ But this really might be worse. You know how he had that big party at his house this weekend after the game?”

 

(Susanna didn’t, seeing as she wasn’t invited, and she spent Saturday night babysitting while her Mom went on a date, but she nodded anyway.)

 

“Well, we hooked up in _his bed,_ and she made me hide under it while _they made out on top of me.”_

 

“That’s disgusting. I’m sorry?”

 

“Oh, it’s okay, I danced with Juicy the rest of the night, and Rose was really jealous. She’ll be back.”

 

Luisa flips her hair in an attempt to look unbothered, but Susanna thinks she’s probably more upset than she lets on.

 

“Oh- can I ask you a favor?”

 

Luisa’s face immediately turns from salacious to earnest as she makes full eye contact with Susanna for the first time during their meal.

 

“Depends.”

 

Susanna’s face is stony, but she can’t help the ghost of a smile from emerging.

 

“Okay, so you know how Raf is a freshman this year? He’s doing that running thing you do.”

 

“Cross-country, most humans would call it.”

 

“Right, whatever, all sports are the same to me. Anyway, could you give him a ride to the Marbella after your practice? Since you have a car now, and it would be easier than having drive back and forth through rush hour traffic. I mean I know he’s kind of annoying, but-”

 

“It’s fine, Luisa. Rafael’s great, and I know you think that, too. I’m happy to give him a lift, if he doesn’t mind slumming it in a beat-up civic instead of your convertible.”

 

“Thanks, you’re the best!”

 

Luisa barrels her into a hug, kissing Susanna’s cheek before bouncing away to head to her Biology lab. Hugs are par for the course for them, but the _bise_ is new. Susanna hates the way her stomach flutters, and she can’t help but bring her fingers to the slightly sticky print Luisa’s pale pink lip gloss has left. She repeats her mantra of “ _don’t read into it, don’t read into it”_ with steady breaths as she heads to English.

 

_175 days._

___

 

Rafael may only be 14, but he takes himself very seriously. Business is all about personal connections, and even in high school, he can begin to network. He hasn’t yet hit full-on puberty, but in 6 months he will shoot up a foot in height and put on muscle that will make him as popular with the ladies as his sister. Right now, though, he’s a little scrawny, and comes across as “sweet” more than anything else. His dark eyes take in everything, and they observe Susanna closely as she navigates from their school out to the hotel.

 

“Thanks for the ride.”

 

“Oh, it’s no trouble. I’ve actually never been to the Marbella before, I’m a little excited.”

 

(Susanna has a childlike enthusiasm, for all the solemnity she and Rafael share.)

 

“Luisa’s never had you over?”

 

“She always wants to come to my house. Lord knows why, it’s not nearly as nice as y’alls digs.”

 

Rafael has a few guesses as to why that might be.

 

  1. Susanna has a mother who isn’t a twenty-something trophy wife.
  2. Luisa likes to use spare rooms in the hotel for hook ups, and to his knowledge, she has never tried to seduce Susanna.
  3. Their father would never, ever approve of Susanna Barnett. They had to fight tooth and nail just to attend a public high school- making friends with classmates from a different class was just a step too far.



 

Rafael figures Susanna doesn’t want or need to hear these reasons, so he redirects.

 

“ I think she really likes your baby brother. Did you know she wants to be an OB-GYN?”

 

“Yeah, I’ve been editing her application essays for all the pre-med programs she’s applying to.”

 

They drive in silence for a few moments, and Rafael notes the strong line of Susanna’s jaw, how she seems determined in everything she does, from clocking miles in practice to turning left against traffic. She’s a good influence on Luisa, the older sister whom he somehow always ends up bailing out of trouble. He kind of wishes Luisa would date Susanna instead of continuing her star-crossed love affair with Rose, and her soccer team of side pieces to make the “straight” girl jealous.

 

(He counts them in his head… _Allison, Juicy, Heidi, Carolyn… Lita.)_

 

“Do you want to come in? I’m sure Lu would love to give you a little tour.”

 

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sweaty and gross right now, it’s not a very classy look.”

 

“Well, you smell better than me- we’ll sneak in through the back so Lobby guests can’t see us.”

 

He grabs Susanna’s hand before she can protest, leading her over the boardwalk through the back door of the hotel. She looks carefree, with her tousled ponytail and long toned legs bare to the hot sun. It’s a pretty dramatic difference from the buttoned-up look she usually sports for classes. Susanna Barnett is many things, but _relaxed_ is rarely one of them.

 

Rafael hopes that seeing her friend in a different light might make Luisa rethink her life choices. It would certainly make his life easier if she wasn’t hiding a new paramour away every week.

 

And, it might actually make his sister happy. That’s all he really wants for her, regardless of what he says on the nights she’s too drunk to get home safely, or the mornings when she shows up to school in yesterday’s clothes. He loves Luisa, he’s just waiting on her to learn to love herself.

_

 

Luisa is midway through her Florida State application when she’s jolted by a knock on her door. She opens it to find Rafael standing in the hallway of their suite. Not unexpected.

 

She hadn’t anticipated Susanna coming along with him, though, and she certainly hadn’t expected her to look like _that._

 

Rafael smirks when he catches her staring, and she shakes herself alert as he finishes his sentence.

 

“-I told Susanna you would show her around as a thank you for driving me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hop in the shower.”

 

He closes the door behind him, pushing her into the hallway with the blonde.

 

“Listen, if you were busy you don’t have to show me around, I’ve seen a hotel before.”

 

“What? No.” (Luisa worries that she looked irritated irritated at Susanna, but really she was just brain-dead from trying to condense her life’s dreams into 2000 words for the 2000th time)

 

“Do you need water? We can go crib some of the fancy cucumber stuff from the spa.”

 

She ushers Susanna down the hall, and moves through the tour by rote, trained by her father to highlight the hotel’s finest amenities, even though she knows Susanna can’t afford to stay at the Marbella, and she’s too down-to-earth to want most of their biggest selling points.

 

It’s so second nature that she doesn’t even get derailed by her confusion at how _different_ things feel with Susanna right now. She knows her biology well enough to realize Susanna’s workout has upped her pheromone production, and that evolutionarily, seeing a potential mate displaying physical fitness would hint at a reproductive advantage. She also knows that Susanna smells _amazing,_ and she is overcome with a vision of kissing her way down the swath of chest revealed by the scoop neck of Susanna’s tank-top.

 

With anyone else in the world, she would probably already be back in her bedroom and half-naked, but this is _Susanna._ Who actually talks to her like she matters, who helps her study medical anatomy even though she will never take the class, and who drives her little brother home because she’s just a little lazy sometimes.

 

Casual sex is great because you can lose the other person as soon as things get forced, or weird, or boring. Luisa can’t fathom losing Susanna.

 

“And, the grand finale, our private beach.”

 

The autumn sun is beginning to set on the water, and Luisa gets out of her head enough to enjoy the view for a moment.

 

“Wow.” Susanna’s face lights up, like she is finding god in the reflection on the waves.

 

“Not too bad, huh?”

 

“Not at all.” Susanna turns to meet her gaze. “Why did you hold out on showing me the Marbella for so long?”

 

“To be honest? I felt like you were too good for this place.”

 

Susanna’s laugh can only be described as “a guffaw.”

 

“Seriously! It’s so… sterile. Your house feels like family. _You_ feel like family.”

 

Susanna’s face falls ever so slightly at that, and Luisa doesn’t really know what to say or think, so she grabs the blonde in a tight hug, whispering “thank you again” in her hair before ushering her out to the forgotten Honda.

 

“Speaking of family, mama’s expecting you at Wednesday dinner. She hasn’t seen you since May, you know.”

 

They’d both been traveling all summer, Susanna with her grandparents in Alabama, Luisa across Europe on the annual Solano Sojourn overseas. Apparently, some things have changed since then.

 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

“Try not to miss it for a girl, either.”

 

Susanna’s tone is light, but for the first time, the joke stings as Luisa walks back to her suite. She takes a long, cold shower, washing Susanna’s scent and her aching confusion down the drain.


	2. It Shouldn't Be That Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael is terrible at being subtle, Susanna and Luisa are worse at being honest. Tyler is cute af.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one weekend to kick this one off! (can you tell i am excited about this story?) It will probably be a longer wait for the next one, but hopefully the world building is sufficient for now.

Susanna had a feeling Rafael was up to something, but he makes it clear the next week on their Monday sojourn after practice.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

 

(His voice cracks a little, from nerves or hormones or some combination thereof.)

 

“I can’t guarantee an answer.” 

 

“Why have you and Luisa never dated?”

 

Susann slams on the brakes abruptly. It’s not like she hasn’t asked herself the same question countless times, but for someone else to voice it almost validates her stupid, misguided feelings.

 

“Um, Rafael, I don’t know if you’ve  _ seen  _ the girls your sister… dates, but I’m not exactly her type.” 

 

“Well, maybe you should be.” 

 

(He actually  _ pouts. _ )

 

“I don’t think that’s how it works. Trust me, as someone who’s pined over countless straight women, attraction is not something that can be forced. Besides, even if that wasn’t the case, I’m pretty sure a relationship is the last thing Luisa is looking for, and a fuck-buddy is pretty low on my list.” 

 

Rafael’s eyes bug out a little, and she realizes she’s become very crass in her impassioned speech. 

 

“Sorry about the language. But honestly, even if  _ everything  _ were right the timing would still be off. It doesn’t make sense to ruin a good thing right before graduation- long distance never works. I’m not about to jeopardize one of the only friendships I have just because I can’t keep my hormones in check.” 

 

Susanna blanches, realizing she has said  _ way too much.  _

 

“Sorry for rambling,” she murmurs.

 

Rafael is sporting a sinister grin, like his plan is going perfectly. 

 

(She really doesn’t want to know what said plan is. Solanos fight dirty.)

“No problem, seriously. And for what it’s worth, you’ve got a friend in me, no matter what happens with you or my sister.” 

 

She (mercifully) drops him outside the Marbella, claiming dinner duty to get out of another awkward half-dressed encounter with Luisa. She infers that he’s just going to rehash their conversation to his sister anyway.

 

(Susanna isn’t going to make detective at age 23 for nothing.)

 

_

 

“How was school?” Luisa mumbles behind her laptop screen as Rafael slumps down on the chaise longue. 

 

“Same old, same old.” He stretches, making an effort at looking purposefully nonchalant. 

 

Luisa closes the computer and sighs exasperatedly, noting that Rafael is intentionally invading her study space. 

 

“Can I help you?” 

 

“Susanna is pretty great, isn’t she?”

 

Luisa smirks.

 

“Rafael, you are an amazing young man, and you do share my impeccable genes, but I’m pretty sure Susanna is not, and would never be interested in you.” 

 

“Geez, Luisa, I know that, I’m not an idiot. You, on the other hand…” 

 

“Bro, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you need to  _ stop.”  _

 

He puffs up his chest in preparation for debate.

 

“I’m just saying, you two are kind of perfect for each other-”

 

“-we are perfect friends, and study partners, and apparently both of our brothers are dumb babies who need to be prevented from following out their misguided ideas.” 

 

(Tyler had gone to the E.R. last week after sticking a tic-tac up his nose. He still had more foresight than Raf.) 

 

“Hey, I would never tell you what to do, I just think you should open your mind to the possibility.”

 

“Gee,  _ thanks,  _ Dr. Love, but I’m not really looking to star in your romance novel. Besides, Susanna is way too good for me anyways.” 

 

“No one is too good for you, sis.”

 

Luisa rolls her eyes at the Hallmark Movie her afternoon has become. 

 

“Alright, alright, thank you for your undying belief in me. Now go shower, you stink.” 

_

 

Susanna’s mother greets Luisa with a warm hug before stepping back to admire the effects of the summer on her daughter’s friend. 

 

“Well, Luisa, if I didn’t know better I would say you’re twenty-five, not seventeen! That European sophistication must have really rubbed off on you.” 

 

Luisa grins, easily flattered by Ms. Barnett’s compliments and perpetual effusiveness. She hears a tiny voice squeal “Luisaaaaaaaa!” and Tyler Dylan wraps his tiny arms around her knees. 

 

“Hey, Buddy!” she coos, as she scoops him up into her arms. 

 

He’s three now, just started pre-school, and she recognizes a familiar twinkle in his eyes as he looks at her in wonder. 

 

“You are so big! Someday you’ll have to be the one to pick up me!” She pulls a goofy face and Tyler just giggles and buries his chubby face into her neck. 

 

They both turn to see Susanna ambling down the stairs, pencil tucked behind her ear. 

 

“Hey,” she smiles easily, like she does every time she sees Luisa, come to think of it. 

 

“I wasn’t expecting you here so early.” 

 

(Implied is the “you’re almost always late.” But dammit, Rafael has gotten in Luisa’s head, so she wound up waiting in front of the Barnett house twenty minutes ahead of schedule, too anxious and excited to be anywhere else.) 

 

“I missed y’all so much I needed some extra Barnett time,” Luisa winks, squeezing Tyler before setting him gently into his high chair. 

 

Ms. Barnett beams from behind her stove. 

 

“Well sweetheart, the feeling is mutual, and fortunately I was so excited to have you over that dinner is running ahead of schedule too. Can you girls be dears and help me set the table?” 

 

Luisa and Susanna grab the appropriate items from the cabinets, bumping into one another as they shuffle around the small dining room table. They don’t know whether to apologize for the physical contact, or to pretend like it’s just not happening. Thankfully, Susanna’s mother is too engrossed in finishing her pasta sauce to notice this newfound awkwardness between the young women.

 

Tyler is adorable, as usual, and tells Luisa about his new Dump Truck he played with at school. Susanna’s mother interrogates her on her family’s travels over the summer, but she quickly redirects and listens, enraptured as the Barnett’s tell her about Susanna’s summer spent working at her Grandparents’ general store. Her mother keeps polaroids of pretty much every moment of her children’s lives, and Luisa smiles softly as she takes in a candid of Susanna sweeping a wooden floor, clad in a canvas apron and an old checked shirt. She is anachronistic and timeless, and Luisa thinks she would be beautiful in any and every era. 

 

(Which is a normal thing to think about best friends that welcome you into their family, right?)

 

After dinner, Ms. Barnett heads upstairs to get Tyler his bath and ready for bed (with the promise that Luisa will read him his bedtime story, it is tradition after all), and the girls head into Susanna’s room to study for their upcoming US History exam.

 

“Ughhhhhh, I don’t understand how you can remember  _ all  _ the presidents. I only know Barack Obama because his face doesn’t look like a smushed ball of rice,” Luisa bemoans as she flops down on Susanna’s bed, face first into their text book. 

 

“Photographic memory. And I paid attention in class instead of sexting with Rose.” 

 

“Okay, that was like, three times-”

 

“-on the days when the most material was covered. I’m not blaming you, just offering a reason.” 

 

“Well, she is the class president, so it was politically themed…” 

 

Susanna laughs, sitting cross-legged beside Luisa’s sprawled form. 

 

“Oh! I have an idea. You will never be able to differentiate forty-two white men, so let’s play to your strengths. How well do you know the first ladies?” 

 

They delve into trivia about Edith Wilson’s behind the scenes leadership and Grace Coolidge’s pet raccoon Rebecca, and Susanna is right, Luisa is much better at remembering historical facts when she can connect them to women’s faces. The focus on academics relieves the tension that’s been hanging over their heads ever since Rafael decided to meddle, and it feels  _ really nice  _ to just have a friend again. 

 

Before she knows it, Tyler is calling for Luisa to read  _ Goodnight, Moon  _ for him, and she hugs Susanna in thanks before heading to his room. As she’s closing the cover and brushing Tyler’s bangs to the side as he quietly snores, she looks up to see Susanna peeking through the door, a shy smile on her face.

“You’re kind of a miracle worker, you know? When I try to get him to go to sleep he decides to sing ‘No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed’ and it takes warm milk and Raffi CDs to calm him down.” 

 

“What can I say, I’m talented when it comes to getting people in bed.” 

 

Susanna chuckles, and Luisa is grateful that they have returned to their easy banter, but she can’t just pretend like the last week hasn’t been  _ weird as hell.  _

 

Susanna beats her to the punch.

 

“Look, I’m really sorry about how awkward I’ve been-” 

 

“-Rafael has this crazy idea.” 

 

They both exhale heavily, and Susanna concedes, “you first.” 

 

“I think Rafael has it in his head that we are meant to be together or something, which is obviously ridiculous, but it’s messed with my brain and I’ve been acting a little off because of it. Not that you aren’t imminently dateable or worthy, but actually, come to think of it, you’ve never really talked about being interested in anyone, so for all I know you’re aromantic and that’s great, I support you no matter what, and oh no I am not helping to make this any less awkward am i?”

 

Susanna grabs her hand, gently redirecting her to the realm of the grounded. 

 

“You really aren’t. But I get what you’re saying. You’re like a big sister to Tyler, and you are the only person that has ever seen the photos of me as a sheep in my kindergarten Christmas pageant. It would be really weird to try and mess up our friendship. And Tyler would never, ever forgive me if I broke your heart.” 

 

Susanna exaggerates her accent on the last bit, camping up her delivery to alleviate Luisa’s discomfort. 

 

Luisa yawns, checking her watch to see that it’s pretty late for a school night, not that her father particularly cares. She thinks he’s in Mexico this week. 

 

“I should get going. Thanks for dinner. And the study tip. You’re the best.” 

 

She squeezes Susanna tightly, grateful to feel welcome and wanted by a family, even if it isn’t her own. 

 

Luisa’s phone buzzes on her drive home, and she checks her messages in the parking lot.

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:55 PM**

_ For what it’s worth, I’m 100% gay, just not actively practicing at the moment. Well, 99%, I do kind of have this weird soft spot for Mark Ruffalo. I haven’t told my mom yet, but I think she might have an idea.  _

 

Knowing a woman’s sexuality has never been an impediment to flirting/romance/seduction for Luisa before, but seeing Susanna be vulnerable like that makes her heart pound as she attempts to respond supportively. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 10:07 PM**

_ I won’t tease you about your hot neighbor in front of her, then. For future reference, i am an a m a z i n g wingwoman, should you ever want to get back in that game ;) practice makes perfect!  _

 

She scrolls in her inbox to see one more unanswered text, from a contact who only has anything to say after dark, it seems. 

 

**Rose Di Nola, 10:01 PM**

_ Party on my family’s private beach on Saturday. Bring donuts. I’ll make it worth your while ;)  _

 

Luisa doesn’t answer that one. What’s the point? She knows she’ll be there anyway. 

 


	3. Another Saturday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coping and moping and making poor decisions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW ARE WE ALL HOLDING UP AFTER THAT FINALE?!? 
> 
> the great thing about writing teenage Susanna is that she is apparently 100% mine, can't be out-of-character for AN IMPOSTER. 
> 
> anyways, Megan Ketch is still a treasure, and writing this has been a wonderful distraction from all my emotions about the *big reveal*

**CHAPTER 3**

 

_ 170 days.  _

There are many things Susanna does not miss about living in Tuscaloosa. Namely:

 

  1. Frat Boys.
  2. Game Days.
  3. Backwards Legislators Who Think They Can Trample The Rights Of Many For The Wrongly Held Beliefs of Few. 



 

But on this muggy September afternoon, she yearns for the feeling of change that swept in with the first winds of fall. Miami is twenty times as lively as Tuscaloosa (save for the night of the BCS game), and yet, there’s something stiflingly static about its broad plains and relentless warmth. The party never stops here, and well, Susanna is used to having some downtime to wallow every now and then. 

  
  


In her second year at Central, the novelty has worn off. She has memorized each route the cross country team runs, a series of flat quadrangles in close proximity to the school. Susanna misses the punishment of hills, the fiery pain of battling gravity with each step. Hills got her through the angst of coming out to herself, and allowed her a grueling distraction from an unfortunate crush on an older teammate. 

 

(At the end of her freshman year, she had quads of steel and an intact heart. Her coach thought she was “the hardest worker he’d ever seen.”)

 

There are no mountains in Miami- at best, a gradual slope. 

 

(The cumulative elevation difference of the city is only thirty-four feet. She took the time to look it up after two weeks of numbingly dull training runs.) 

 

Most afternoons, she ambles along with the “silver” tier of the team, a group of self-identified “smart girls” who are more interested in getting into good schools than running in races, but wanted extracurriculars to round out their applications. But on the days that she misses hills and needs physical penance, she pushes ahead into the inbetween of the elite pack and the apathetic masses to run alone, until her limbs feel heavy and her mind stops racing. 

 

It’s nice to know her body can work like she needs it to when her brain won’t behave itself.

 

_

 

Rafael runs purely for physical fitness. He wears a smartwatch with a heartrate monitor and a pedometer, and although he’s nowhere near the fastest runner on the boy’s team, he is pleased with the statistical significance of the improvements on his splits. 

 

If there’s anything he’s learned from his sister, it’s the importance of taking care of himself. 

 

He’s not used to the camaraderie of male groups- for so much of his childhood, he was Luisa’s tagalong. In school, he’s certainly not an outcast, but he’s also not much of a “joiner.” His peers welcome him pretty quickly once they realize he’s not nearly as much of a dumbass as the other six freshmen (not snorting gatorade powder is a pretty low threshold, but that’s high school boys). 

 

He’s  _ really  _ not used to the way groups of guys talk about women. 

 

“Yo, Solano!” a senior named Mitch or something equally WASPy beckons him, as they grab their backpacks out of the locker room.

 

“What’s up with that Susanna chick you go home with- she your girl?”

 

“What? No, she’s my sister’s friend.” 

 

“Hey, you think you could introduce me? That southern thing is pretty hot.”

 

Apparently the rest of the universe is not as acutely aware as Rafael that Susanna has eyes only for Luisa. He doesn’t want to out her to this neanderthaal though, so he stalls. 

 

“Uhhh, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, she’s pretty straightlaced- you know how those fundamentalist Christians are.”

 

Mitch’s face lights up in recognition.

 

“Oh, I get it, dude! You’re waiting to make your move. I respect that. She’s gotta be a wildcat underneath that prim and proper exterior. The churchgoing ones always are.” 

He fistbumps Rafael, who walks to the car in confused revulsion. 

 

“Men are disgusting!”

 

Susanna laughs, like this is the funniest thing she has ever heard.

 

“You’re telling me. Don’t ever become one, you hear?”

_

 

Luisa’s idea of exercise is a vigorous round of lovemaking. Given how rarely she and Rose are in an actual bed, she’s developed surprising muscle tone from all manner of compromising positions. She’s got amazing arms, in particular (topping has its benefits). The idea of participating in any sport more organized than mud wrestling is extremely distasteful, but seeing Raf and Susanna with their “shiny-happy-people” practice routine fills her with a weird longing. It’s a muddled mix of desires- for a group she could call her own, for healthy meaningful structure to her days, for a gangly blonde with a sharp wit and a slow drawl. 

 

Her life is so segmented that sometimes she feels like a Picasso portrait. Home is room service and studying, and she can’t remember the last time her father asked about her studies or her friends. She spends her weekends partying with people she doesn’t particularly like, fucking girls that don’t meet her eye in the hallways Monday morning. Rafael and Susanna know about her hobbies, but her boundaries never cross. She’d rather not be confronted with her failures.

 

Still, in the interest of honesty (and perhaps personal growth), she mentions the party to Susanna. 

 

“So… there’s a thing down at the beach on Saturday.” 

 

“By thing do you mean party?” Susanna is looking at her like she fears she’s had a stroke. Luisa is not one to beat around the bush. 

 

“I mean, I guess you could call it that? People, bonfire, festive atmosphere. Anyways, you should go with me!” 

 

“Can’t. Mom’s still on weekend nights, so I’m on Tyler duty. Besides, I’m guessing that said party is organized by Rose and her entourage?” 

 

(Luisa nods, meekly.)

 

“I would rather watch the entirety of the Teletubbies. While pulling out my fingernails.” 

 

“Point taken.” Luisa rolls her eyes to hide her hurt at being shut down so quickly. Was it so wrong to want her best friend to cut loose every now and then? 

_

 

Luisa distracts herself from her anxiety over seeing Rose again by texting Susanna as she gets dressed for the party. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:45 PM**

_ you know i’ve never actually seen you dance before. tonight could have changed my life! _

 

Except the wait for Susanna’s reply only intensifies her nerves, for whatever reason. (She is never longer than five minutes. Hopefully Tyler isn’t throwing a temper tantrum.) 

 

A light ping distracts her from her meticulous smoky eye application, and she smiles at the video on her screen.

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:58 PM**

_ we had very little rehearsal, hope u don’t judge too harshly _

 

Susanna and Tyler perform a synchronized routine to “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” that dissolves into a fit of giggles by the twenty-second mark. It is the cutest thing she, or anyone for that matter, has ever seen. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 8:01 PM**

_ OMGGGGGG i think i just died and went to heaven. Give that tiny dancer a smooch for me!  _

 

(Susanna replies with a selfie of her kissing Tyler’s cheek as he sticks his tongue out at the camera. )

 

More than a little part of Luisa wishes Susanna had had enough faith in her to ask her to spend the evening with them. She consoles herself with the thought of Wednesday dinner, and the anticipation of relieving a lot of pent-up sexual frustration tonight. 

 

_

 

Luisa doesn’t mean to get wasted. (She never does, and therein lies the problem.) But Rose is beautiful, and keeps using passing her drinks as an excuse to whisper filthy things in her ear, and by the fourth beer they’ve managed to hide in the backseat of her sedan. It feels good to be wanted, to have control, as she pins Rose’s hands behind her head and teases her to the point of frustration. 

 

“Jesus, please, whatever you do, don’t stop.” 

 

(It’s the perfect cue to slow her frantic hands.)

 

“Or what?” 

 

Rose fixes her with her best  _ queen bee  _ glare.

 

“You don’t want to find out.” 

 

She can’t really bring herself to draw this out, knowing how quickly they were interrupted last time. They’ve always been incredibly efficient when they need to be- it’s a matter of seconds, not minutes, before Rose is slumped against her, breathing heavily and adjusting her halter back into place.

 

In the brief window before she regains composure, Luisa sees a flash of sorrow cross the redhead’s face. 

 

“What is it? Did I hurt you?”

 

Rose looks surprised that Luisa noticed anything was off. She gives a sort of half-laugh, half-sniffle.

 

“No,” she smiles sadly,  “I think I hurt myself. I’m sorry, we shouldn’t do this anymore.” 

 

Luisa wants to ask why, she briefly considers pleading, even, before the voices of revelers get closer and she hears Dirk call out for Rose and finds herself being pushed below the view of the window as Rose pokes her head out the door and calls out, “I’m coming!” 

 

(The words sound a hell of alot different leaving her mouth than they did five minutes ago.)

 

She stumbles the other way once the crowd has again dispersed and insinuates herself into a game of “Never Have I Ever,” which she loses on-purpose. At some point she blacks out, the rest of the night a blur of sloppy laughter and cheap booze.

 

She wakes to a wriggly weight crawling across her chest and a tiny, shrill voice yelling in her ear.

“Luisa, come watch cartoons with me!”

 

_ Fuck. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luisa + Kids forever, amirite? 
> 
> (I actually sympathize with Rose a lot in this story, we've all known some folks who weren't ready to be out for whatever reason. However, I don't think she's able to be aware of how her own insecurities are affecting Luisa negatively right now. Here's hoping she finds love and happiness and authenticity in this universe, too :D )


	4. Sunday Morning Coming Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luisa gets drunk, Susanna gets woken in the middle of the night, and Mama Barnett gets pissed. 
> 
> (Or, how did Luisa wake up in Susanna's bed?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double-update week! 
> 
> Don't get too used to it ;)

  


Tyler actually goes to bed without a fight for once. When Susanna shows him how Luisa had seen his dance, he beams and behaves as if she is watching him for the rest of the evening.

 

(She suspects that her brother might also share an infatuation for the brunette, insofar as toddlers can harbor crushes on people.)

 

Susanna spends a good part of the rest of her night home alone skyping with an old friend from Alabama. For the most part, she had let her relationships from Tuscaloosa fizzle out naturally, given how integral proximity was to school friendships, but Andrew is her lifeline. His grandparents went to church with hers, and after an incredibly awkward summer of comments about how they were “meant to get married one day”, they had come out to each other freshman year and become inseparable.

 

He is the only one she can vent to about Luisa.

 

“Well, hey there, city slicker! You still look pale as ever.”

 

“Andrew, you and the Real Housewives of Tuscaloosa are the only people keeping the Alabama Tanning Bed industry alive. Your standards are impossibly high.”

 

His laugh is rich, and comforting, and Susanna should really maybe make some local friends she is not hopelessly in love with.

 

“So, how’s the munchkin?”

She fills him in on Tyler’s transition out of the terrible twos into the tyrannical threes, and pulls up photos and videos to show him off.

 

Of course, he hones in on the one of Luisa swinging Tyler around like they’re Fred and Ginger.

 

“So, you have _not_ followed my advice on giving yourself time and space to get over her?”

 

True to form, she deflects.

 

“Are you still hooking up with ‘Bama’s number two running back prospect?”

 

“Point taken. We really are stereotypes you know- I have all the sex without the feelings, you have all the feelings without the sex.”

 

“ _Tell me about it._ ”

 

(She might have sounded just a little too frustrated at that one.)

 

“Hey, think of it this way. In 11 months, we will be in the full-blown depravity of higher education and we can have all the sex and feelings we want! We’ve always known we wouldn’t peak in high school”

 

“Something tells me you’ll have more luck at NYU than I will at an SEC school. I mean the closet is pretty much the least of my problems right now, anyway.”

 

“Oh yeah, Miami is gay as fuck. I’m a little jealous, truth be told. Which reminds me… What are you doing for Fall break?”

 

Susanna has an inkling of where this is going.

 

“Nothing exciting, because my life is a world of boredom since you left it, so yes, I would _love_ for you to spend the week in Miami.”

 

He laughs as she rolls her eyes.

 

“I _am_ going to make an itinerary, and you _are_ going to go out for once in your life. I’ll be damned if I let my best friend turn eighteen with nary a whisper.”

 

“Best friend? So I’ve beaten out Irondale?”

 

(Lisa Irondale was Andrew’s de facto leading lady in pretty much every drama club production. She paraded Andrew as if she were the most progressive, artistic person in the world for deigning to speak to a _homosexual.)_

 

“Lisa still thinks that _RENT_ is cool. She is a plebeian of the lowest order, and I am insulted you deigned to even _joke_ about that.”

 

Susanna places her hand over her heart in the picture of antebellum shock and horror.

 

“My stars, however will you forgive me?! West Side Story is coming through town the week you’ll be here and I already bought us front row tickets.”

 

“And that, my dear, is why I will always love you.”

 

“Okay, I know you’re joking, but I seriously do love you. Thank you for talking with me tonight. This week has _sucked.”_

 

“Anytime, Suze. Keep me posted on Luisagate. And you better believe I’m meeting her when I visit.”

 

(He really was incorrigible sometimes.)

She closes her laptop, checking her phone for the time before heading to bed. 10:36 and no word from Luisa. She guesses that’s good news.

 

Susanna is _almost_ fully asleep when her phone rings , her bleary eyes making out Luisa’s name.

 

“Hello?” she croaks.

 

“Uh, hi,” an unfamiliar voice answers.

 

“I’m with Luisa, and she’s really not in good shape right now and you were the last person in her texts- can you come pick her up?”

 

“What’s the address?”

 

(She’ll have to take Tyler with her, and her mom very well might kill her, but she will definitely kill her if Luisa winds up in a ditch due to her inaction, so, she’s pretty much fucked either way.)

 

Susanna scrawls the directions on her hand and thanks this good samaritan for watching over Luisa until she can get there. She’s pretty sure she hears Luisa in the background, singing “Moon River” in between bouts of retching.

 

She scoops up a sleepy Tyler as she throws on an old flannel over her tank and sweatpants, instantly alert with irritation and concern.

 

(She can’t help but text Andrew before she departs.)

 

**Susanna Barnett, 12:13 AM**

_Off to save a damsel in drunken distress. Pray 4 me._

 

**Andrew Lewis, 12:15 AM**

_Water and Ibuprofen. I hope you have garbage bags in your car. Sorry you don’t have waffle house for the hangover :/_

 

Luisa is sprawled on a beach towel, strappy sandals in hand when Susanna pulls into the party. It’s clearly past its prime, bonfire dwindling, red cups tossed everywhere, the large group disbanded into one’s and two’s saying their goodbyes. A tall, model-esque blonde that Susanna recognizes as one of Rose’s friends, Petra Andel, gently rubs Luisa’s back while giving her forlorn boyfriend Aaron a shrug as he swings his car keys on his finger.

 

“Thank you so much,” Susanna exhales, not wanting to keep Petra any longer.

 

(She has a bit of a reputation for her lack of patience.)

 

“Yeah, well. You know how _uncivilized_ high school boys can be. Women have to look out for each other.”

 

“Well, I appreciate it. I think I’ve got it from here.”

 

She approaches Luisa, who is holding her head in her hands and rocking from side to side.

 

“Luisa?”

 

“Raf’s gonna kill me, I know it. Ugh, why am I so stupid!”

 

“ _Luisa.”_ She touches her shoulder gently, speaking more firmly this time.

 

“ _Susanna!”_ Luisa’s smile nearly rips her face in half.

 

“When did you get heeeere???? Did you run out of nails to rip out?”

 

(She looks deadly serious.)

 

Susanna sighs, helping Luisa to her feet and shuffling her to the car.

 

“Petra called me, she wanted to make sure you got home safely. Does Rafael know where you are?”

 

(They both knew asking about her father’s concern was pointless.)

 

“He’s on his Big Macho Fishing trip with dad. They took the yacht for the weekend. NO GIRLS ALLOWED.”

 

She scrunches her face into a comical pout.

 

Susanna buckles her into the passenger seat and gives her a stern “shhhhhh,” pointing out sleeping in his carseat.

 

“Awwwwwwww,” Luisa whispers, obviously concentrating very hard to keep quiet.

 

Susanna scrounges around for an old grocery bag that she keeps extra gym clothes in and hands it to Luisa in case of emergency vomit. She steels her now sleepy eyes on the road as she begins to navigate the darkened streets back to her neighborhood.

 

Luisa takes a moment to admire her ensemble.

 

“That good looks _really_ shirt on you,” she purrs in what she must believe to be the most seductive of tones.

 

Before Susanna can think of anything remotely resembling an appropriate comeback, Luisa is fast asleep, snoring audibly.

 

The rest of the drive is spent in the silence of her own thought. She knows Luisa gets “sloppy” at parties, she’s heard the stories and jokes from her peers, but she’s never seen it in person. She supposes it would be kind of funny, in that slapstick way, if you didn’t know Luisa. But she’s got more than a little feeling that Luisa’s drinking tonight probably stemmed from some encounter with Rose. She wonders if she’ll remember enough in the morning to giver her all the sordid details. She’s not sure whether she wants her to or not.

_

 

Susanna gets Tyler back in bed first; fortunately car rides have always pushed him into even deeper slumber, and he merely stirs lightly as she tucks him in.

 

Luisa is a bit more of a challenge. Susanna decides she will give Luisa her own bed and take the couch for herself, if only so when her mother gets off shift at 7:00, she doesn’t have an aneurism when she walks through the front door. Luisa drags her feet as Susanna practically fireman lifts her up the stairs, burying her face into Susanna’s neck.

 

“You smell like dirt. But in a good way. You _dirty girl_ , you.”

 

( _Jesus, kill me now.)_

 

She flops on the bed like a beached whale and Susanna admonishes her to stay put as she quietly rummages around for painkillers and a glass of water.

 

Luisa acts like Tyler being asked to eat broccoli when Susanna hands her the water, closing her lips in a thin line and shaking her head.

 

“Seriously? What will it take to get you to drink this? I promise it will make you feel better in the morning.”

 

(Susanna has never felt so much sympathy for her mother.)

 

“I want the shirt,” Luisa mumbles, pointing at the Susanna’s flannel.

 

“Fine.”

 

Susanna swaddles Luisa in the soft cloth and makes sure she actually swallows the pill. She tucks Luisa in, as well, for good measure.

 

“No kiss goodnight?” Luisa pouts.

 

“Luisa, you threw up three times after drinking at least a 6 pack of what appeared to be Natty Light. Even under the best of circumstances I would not be inclined to kiss you right now.”

 

“Could’ve just said no,” Luisa mumbles, before turning to bury her face in the pillow.

 

Susanna leaves the door cracked and the hall light dimmed, and resigns herself to a night of fitful sleep on the lumpy couch.

_

 

Sunlight through the bay window wakes her a few hours later, just a couple minutes after 7. She feels like she got run over by an eighteen-wheeler, but at least now she’s awake to explain everything when her mother gets in (any moment now).

 

Might as well make breakfast.

 

She’s dicing potatoes and whisking eggs when her mother walks through the door, beat as usual from a night on the preemie ward.

 

“You’re up early for a weekend. What’s going on?”

 

(Leave it to mom instinct.)

 

“No, ‘good morning, darling daughter?’ or ‘thank you for making breakfast?’”

 

“Good morning, darling daughter. Thank you for making breakfast. Now, what is going on?”

 

Susanna sighs beneath the sizzle of her hash browns.

 

“First, please don’t be mad, I was just trying to keep everyone safe, and I know you don’t have your phone on shift and it wasn’t an emergency, per se, so i didn’t want to alarm you unneccessarily…”

 

“-did anyone lose a limb?”

 

“No, ma’am. One of Luisa’s friends called me last night, she got really drunk at a party and her family was out of town, so i went to pick her up. I took Tyler with me, but he stayed asleep the whole time and no one drove drunk or got alcohol poisoning, so all in all, I was acting responsibly.”

 

Her mother’s affect remains flat, as she weighs the magnitude of her daughter’s actions.

 

“And where is Luisa?”

 

“Sleeping in my bed- I took the couch.”

 

(Susanna doesn’t really need to clarify, it’s more for her own benefit than anything else.)

 

They hear the pitter-patter of little feet, and soon Tyler’s voice rings out, inviting Luisa to join him for morning cartoons.

 

He is overjoyed to see his mother when he toddles downstairs, and barrels into her arms immediately.

 

“Hey, little man! I heard your girl spent the night.”

 

“Yeah! She wasn’t here when ‘sanna and I were playing before bed, but we sent her us dancing, and then we got to go on an adventure to find her!”

 

“Wow, sounds like you had a big night,” her mother replies, giving Susanna major side-eye.

 

Luisa trudges down the stairs looking like a zombie.

 

(A devastatingly beautiful zombie, but decidedly undead nonetheless.)

 

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Ms. Barnett drawls, exaggerating the most grating parts of her timbre, speaking just a little too loudly, and obviously delighting in Luisa’s discomfort.

 

“Hmmmmph.”

 

“Susanna, I would never want you to burn your eggs, god forbid, but I would like to speak to you before I hit the hay. I’ll be in my room.”

 

She leaves the teens alone to deal with their awkwardness like adults- after the shift she’s had she doesn’t need to deal with the frustration of those two dancing around each other.

 

(She’s not blind. Besides, a mother always knows.)

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Susanna keeps her voice purposefully soft, gentle. She would actually love to yell at Luisa right now, but she can’t bring herself to cause her anymore pain than she’s already obviously in.

 

“Like an idiot. A really hungover idiot.”

 

“I know you probably don’t want it, but this should help.”

 

Susanna pushes her over a plate of potatoes and eggs. Next to Tyler’s high chair she carefully plates a smiley face of potatoes adorned with ketchup hair and egg yolk eyes.

 

“Thanks.”

Luisa takes a bite, chewing slowly in the hopes it will aid her stomach, before continuing.

 

“I didn’t do anything too awful last night, did I?”

 

“You were a little handsy, but nothing unforgivable. I can’t speak for before I got there, but Petra seemed to think you were at least worthy of being taken care of, and well, she’s Petra, so. “

 

“So, she will never let me live it down. Oh well, not like I’ll be going to those parties anymore. Rose called it off.”

 

It’s the one thing she remembers from last night, the stern set of the redhead’s jaw, the determined way she had ignored her for the rest of the evening.

 

Susanna stays silent for a moment, thinking of the right way to respond.

 

“I would say ‘I’m Sorry’, but…”

 

“-I know, she’s toxic, and treats me like garbage, and I’m better off spending some time being single.”

 

Susanna halts her self-hatred downward spiral.

 

“Hey, Luisa, I am sorry, because I know you care about her. And I know that you were hurting, or I probably wouldn’t have ended up bringing you home. I’m glad you’re safe.”

 

Luisa is really unused to people being so open about their concern for her wellbeing, and she can’t help but tear up a little, wiping her napkin at the corners of her eyes.  

 

“Yeah, well, it was for the best anyway. I don’t want to hide anymore, you know?”

 

Susanna gives her a sad little half-smile before scooping up Tyler to sit next to Luisa.

 

“You two enjoy your breakfast, I’m going to go talk to mom before she crashes.”

_

 

Susanna doesn’t often get in trouble. When she was a kid, her most frequent infraction was reading after her bedtime, using a flashlight under the covers. But her mother’s cold silence has her terrified of what punishment awaits.

 

“You should have called me.”

 

“I know, but I didn’t want you to panic. Your job is stressful enough as is.”

 

“And what if I had come home early to find you and Tyler gone?!?”

 

(Susanna stands in shamed silence at that response.)

 

“And if it were _anyone_ else, I would be furious that you didn’t call their parents. But I know Luisa’s family isn’t exactly typical.”

 

“I would have called Rafael, but he and Mr. Solano are out of town- I sent him a message just to keep him in the loop. I really am sorry, mama, I didn’t know what to do.”

 

And with the exhaustion of the night, and the worry wracking her brain for the past eight hours, Susanna breaks down into sobs.

 

“Come here, babygirl, I’m not angry. Just worried. And even though you are damn near a grown woman, you will always be my daughter, and I will _always_ worry about you. But I’m proud of you for looking out for Luisa. She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

 

Her mother rocks her gently against her chest, though Susanna now towers over the diminutive woman.

 

She leaves her mother to rest and wanders back to the living room, where Tyler is excitedly explaining the plot of ever Thomas the Tank Engine episode to an obviously uncomfortable Luisa.

 

 _She deserves a little pain,_ Susanna thinks to herself, before moving back to the kitchen to wash her dishes and scrub away her disappointment.

_

 

Rafael feels like he spends twenty-five hours a day trying to live up to his father’s expectations. Their annual fishing trip is one of the few times he doesn’t feel like he’s auditioning for something, performing to an unseen (and highly critical) audience. His father actually listens to his ideas, almost treats him like a peer, as they take the yacht out onto the open water.

 

“I still don’t really understand why you didn’t want to go to the International Academy,” Emilio opines, once more bemoaning Luisa and Raf’s decision to attend Central, “You could be making so many business connections right now.”

 

“But think of it this way- any hotel can have investors, but what keeps hotels running day to day? Employees. What makes happy, quality employees? Employee engagement. I can connect with all of Miami’s workforce in a way the silver spoons of International can’t.”

 

Emilio frowns, taking in his son’s argument.

 

“So you’re still interested in the family business? You don’t have to go into hospitality, you know.”

 

“I want to. I love the Marbella, and what it represents to the city. We have a chance to create a legacy.”

 

From a business standpoint, Rafael was being entirely genuine.

 

(From a personal standpoint, Rafael really wanted any excuse to get to know the new waitstaff better. Especially one Jane Villanueva, in particular.)

 

“I was thinking, I could spend more time with the service staff, offering feedback and getting their perspective on things?”

 

“I’ll think about it. But, no more business today, we have bigger fish to fry.”

 

(Rafael is really glad he didn’t have his father’s sense of humor.)

 

He spends  the rest of the weekend daydreaming about ways he could approach Jane without being overly intimate or too business like, until he wakes Sunday morning to a message from Susanna.

 

**Susanna Barnett, 2:35 AM**

_I have Luisa at my place; she got sick last night and needed someone to drive her home. We can go back and get her car but i feel like she probably shouldn’t be alone? When do u get back?_

 

So much for a relaxing weekend.

 

**Rafael Solano, 8:30 AM**

_Should be home by 8. Don’t worry about her car, it’s closer to the hotel than you. Can you drop her off at the marbella tonight?_

 

**Susanna Barnett, 8:32 AM**

 

_Will do. At least tyler’s thrilled about these developments._

 

A part of him hopes that the inebriation at least brought about some honesty on his sister’s part (seriously, she is not subtle with those lip-looks), but he knows Susanna is the epitome of a polite southerner, and she would never use Luisa’s altered state to push their relationship further.

 

Tonight’s gonna suck.

_

 

Luisa has been hungover more times than many of her peers, but today feels like a special torture. Maybe it’s the sheer embarrassment at the state Susanna found her in, or the shame at Rose’s abandonment, but her very _soul_ aches today.

 

And her head. _Motherfucker, children’s tv is irritating._

 

Tyler is delightfully oblivious, and she gives thanks when he finally settles down for his afternoon nap.

 

Susanna has been walking on eggshells around her all morning, and she feels like the biggest asshole the world has ever known.

 

For the chewing out she knows Susanna received from Ms. Barnett.

For waking her and disturbing the sleep of a toddler.

For crying about a girl she should never have cared about in the first place.

 

Susanna walks behind the couch on her way to grab more textbooks (Luisa can’t even think about studying right now), and she is hit with a scent memory.

 

Her face, buried in the soft hollow between Susanna’s neck and clavicle.

 

They’re affectionate with each other; they’ve hugged more times than Luisa can count. But she’s never been close enough to Susanna to _breathe her in._

  
And now that she has this information, she doesn’t know what in the world to do with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully y'all don't mind the addition of a couple more characters! 
> 
> As always ,feedback is welcomed and (incredibly) appreciated! This chapter was a little longer, but sometimes you just gotta ramble.


	5. You Were Drunk (And I Was There)"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael's love life is coming up roses while Luisa and Susanna fracture the tentative peace they've made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a hot minute, folks, I promise the wheels are very much still turning on this story, I just haven't had much time to actually write any of it down. Hopefully I can get another chapter in this week to reward your patience!

 

The longer Susanna thinks about last night, the angrier she becomes. Besides the fact that something could have happened to Tyler, the party could have gotten busted while she was picking up Luisa, and her dreams would be shattered. She’s close enough to eighteen that she would be blacklisted from the police academy for sure- maybe if she were a white boy with family on the force it wouldn’t be an issue, but she’s already fighting an uphill battle as a woman (and a _lesbian_ , as new and unfamiliar as that moniker feels).

 

Not that Luisa would think about that.

 

It’s not that Luisa doesn’t care about her; she knows, deep down, that Luisa is incredibly kind and loving (she can see it in the way Luisa has spent all morning showering Tyler in attention despite her half-lidded eyes and greenish complexion).

 

But sometimes, she incapacitates herself beyond thinking of others, until she become so broken someone else has to pick up the pieces.

 

(Susanna would like to be picked up, for _once_.)

 

She spends the rest of the day in silent study, willing herself to focus on derivatives and matrices and balanced equations. She’s never really minded homework, never felt the slightest compulsion to copy a classmate’s physics problems. There’s a peace in the order of the natural world, a beauty in the way that all miracles have explanations, if you look long enough, in just the right way.

 

Gravity is a constant force. The pull of the ground underneath her will never change in Susanna’s lifetime. And yet, her chest feels inexplicably heavy, like it’s being plunged through the center of the earth.

 

( _Love >Gravity?) _

 

By some grace of god or formaldehyde, Luisa takes a nap at the same time as Tyler, and remains asleep until Rafael is back and they can return to the Marbella.

 

(Or, at least, she remains in Susanna’s room with the lights off and the door closed. Susanna is not brave enough or big enough to knock gently, to make amends, to say how _she actually feels for once in her life.)_

 

The twenty-minute drive to the hotel is stifling and uncomfortable, both from the broken AC in Susanna’s geriatric car and the tension that has sprung up unbidden between them.

 

Luisa, always perceptive at the most inconvenient times, decides to rip off the band-aid.

 

“So, are you going to tell me why you’re giving me the silent treatment, or would you just like me to ignore that you’ve ignored me all day long.”

 

“I didn’t want to aggravate your hangover with my ceaseless optimism and cheer.”

(It’s a bald-faced lie, and they both know it.)

 

“ _Bullshit._ ”

 

Susanna falters, before Luisa demurs.

 

“You’re allowed to be mad at me, you know.”

 

“I’m not mad-”

 

“-yeah, you are. You always go silent when you’re angry. I’ve never seen you yell at Tyler but you shut down on him when he broke that photo of your Dad.”

 

Susanna concedes, and corrects,

 

“I’m not _just_ mad.”

 

By this point they’re idling in the parking lot, and Susanna cuts the engine, the silence in the car exaggerated by the distant chatter of happy people by the pool. Luisa finally meets her gaze, imploring her to open up the ball of resentment she’s been building all day long.

She takes a deep breath, and dives in.

“You know I’ve wanted to be a police officer since I was six years old. If there had been a bust, or we had gotten pulled over, and you had been caught drinking underage it would have been my future on the line. Not to mention Tyler’s safety. It was stupid.”

 

Before her kinder, better side can stop them, the words spill out:

“ _God, you’re stupid sometimes._ ”

 

Luisa Alver is many things, but _stupid_ is not one of them. _Stupid_ is a word people use to trivialize her, to belittle her dreams and her feelings, and she will not just sit and take it when someone uses that word against her.

(Even if she thinks it of herself all too often.)

 

“Well, maybe you should be yelling at Petra. I didn’t even call you.”

 

She knows she’s hit a nerve, and Susanna’s shocked anger and hurt doesn’t validate her own at all. The blonde's next words are barely a whisper, shakily exhaled.

 

“Yeah _. I know_.”

 

Susanna’s lips are set in a thin grimace, and she stares straight through the windshield as tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

 

“You should go.”

 

Luisa hastily grabs her bags and barrels out of the passenger seat, chancing one forlorn glance back before heading inside. All she sees is a parking lot full of fancy cars and her own mistakes.

_

 

Luisa was stone-faced and silent when she met Rafael in the lobby of their suite. (Emilio had disembarked the yacht only to head straight to another “business dinner.”) He didn’t even have time to offer a brotherly “I’m here if you need anything” before she retreated to her room, emerging only when it was time to leave for school in the morning.

 

But he can’t dwell on that, because this afternoon is his first opportunity to test out his Staff Satisfaction Interactive Survey, and he can’t blow it.

 

He makes small talk with a few of the employees for the sake of appearances before zeroing in on Jane.

 

“Miss Villanueva,” he greets, extending his hand, “Rafael Solano. Do you have a few moments to speak to me about your work?”

 

“Please, it’s Jane. And I think we’ve met once or twice- aren’t you Luisa’s brother?”

 

_Uh-oh._

 

“Um, yes? But we’re nothing alike, I assure you.”

 

She laughs at the stricken look on his face, and maybe he should be embarrassed, but also it feels _really good_ to know he’s the cause of that smile.

 

“Relax, I like Luisa. She volunteers at the clinic where my abuela goes.”

 

(Luisa had spent every Tuesday for the last three years volunteering with a free medical clinic that specialized in serving undocumented immigrants. No matter what was going on in her life, she never missed a week.)

 

“Oh, yeah, she wants to be an OB-GYN.”

 

“Aww, I love babies!”

 

They stand there awkwardly for a moment, Jane awaiting Rafael to actually get to the point while he gets distracted by thinking about Jane holding a cute little baby.

 

“So, you wanted to talk to me about?”

 

“Right, so we want to get better feedback from our employees about procedures on the floor and what changes we can make to make your lives easier. There is no Marbella without the Marbella staff.”

 

He launches into his rehearsed spiel, diligently taking feedback on Jane’s responses, and filing away the memory of her dancing eyes and dimpled cheeks for later, when he has more time to process them in all their glory.

_

 

Rafael figures Luisa’s mopiness all week and Susanna’s awkwardness around him on their post-practice drives are correlated. But he’s feeling merciful this week (surely, their bad luck has balanced out to his good luck with Jane), so he makes himself the topic of conversation.

 

“Can I ask your advice?”

 

“You can ask, but I can’t guarantee any sort of quality answer.”

 

“It’s about a girl.”

 

“I’m not exactly an expert in wooing girls- why don’t you ask your sister?”

 

“Well yeah, but you _are_ one. And you’re like, normal.”

 

“Thanks, I think?”

 

“I just mean, you don’t seem like you have a lot of hangups, and in some ways you remind me of Jane, and so-”

 

“Jane Villanueva?”

 

“Does literally everyone know her but me?”

 

“We’ve had a few classes together, relax, Raf. She’s brilliant- she absolutely shattered Mr. Johnson for the institutional white supremacy inherent in the AP English Literature curriculum.”

 

(Susanna looks a little wistful, and Rafael thinks that every person Jane Villanueva has ever met might have a crush on her.)

 

“She’s a little old for you, Rafael. Didn’t take you for the cougar type.”

 

“Well, half my teammates think you and I are dating, so.”

 

(Susanna very nearly rear-ends the car in front of them at that.)

 

“I don’t want to know.”

 

“Anyways, hypothetically if someone were interested in you, what kind of things would make you receptive to it?”

 

(And yes, he will take this advice as it pertains to Jane, but they both know that this is as close as he will get to a laundry list of ways Luisa could fix whatever is going on between them, if she wants to.)

 

“Well, first off, the money thing is weird. I mean, you are kind of her boss, or at least your dad is, so any involvement with you would stink of favoritism. The odds are kind of against you.”

 

“Okay, so back off on the work involvement.”

(She rolls her eyes at his willful interpretation, but continues nonetheless.)

 

“It’s not about big gestures, okay, so no promposals, no valentine’s bouquets, not until you’re actually together- if you’re actually together. Then, go all-out, but you have to read the room.”

 

“Okay, but how do I actually get to the being together part?”

 

“Well, first, accept that it probably won’t happen. There is nothing creepier than a guy who won’t take no for an answer. If you learn anything from me, please let it be that.”

 

“Duly noted.”

 

“Honestly, most people just want to be seen. If you think she’s special, find out _why._ Listen to the things she’s interested in, support her in her passions, and never, never, never dismiss her feelings just because her reaction is not your own.”

 

“Thank you, master.”

 

“Oh, shut up. You asked, I answered. Look, you have chemistry, or you don’t, and if you do, it mainly comes down to not being an asshole and having a whole lot of luck and timing. Not that I would know.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry if my sister was an asshole.”

 

(They had to address it eventually.)

 

“She’s _not_ an asshole, Rafael, at least not intentionally.”

 

“But?”

 

“But it’s stupid to waste my time mooning over someone who can barely begin to care for themselves, much less me.”

 

“She does care about you.”

 

“You know what I mean, Rafael."

She pauses, reflecting on what she's revealed. How it feels to make the thoughts that have raced in her mind for months available for someone else's ears. 

"Are you happy now that I’ve admitted it?”"

 

He wants to feel vindicated that his suspicions are confirmed, but Susanna is right. Luisa needs help before she had any shot at being the girlfriend that Susanna deserves.

 

Happy endings sure are a lot of work.

_

 

“And you _promise_ I can quit if I hate the first meeting?”

 

“You have my word- I’ll be back in two hours and then we can get ice cream, okay?”

 

Rafael hugs his sister as she braces herself to enter the nondescript community center.

 

The Teen Addiction group is much more diverse than most of her classes at school, with members embracing most of the stereotypes of a typical teen movie. Prom Queen. Jock. Stoner. Band Geek. Goth. Luisa listens quietly for much of the meeting, finding herself nodding at the self-recognition in everyone’s stories, the relationship between drinking and negative emotion, of not even remembering the last time she allowed herself to feel true pain beyond the misery of a hangover.

 

At the end of the meeting, the stereotypes have names (that don’t leave this room), and Luisa finds the courage to introduce herself, saying aloud the words she has feared for longer than she would care to admit:

  
_“I’m Luisa, and I’m an alcoholic.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> being a teenager makes you do stupid, foolish things, and it's also (scientifically proven) the most intense period of your life, emotionally. I can't imagine our (well pre-reveal) Susanna being so callous as to call Luisa stupid, but lord knows teenage me said some terrible hurtful shit, so I imagine Su is not immune. Your thoughts are always appreciated <3


	6. I'm No Good at Saying Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our gals make up after their first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this pairing was small to begin with, and now that susanna is non-existent, i'm pretty sure interest has plummeted, but i like writing this story, so i'ma keep doing it! 
> 
> to quote gillian welch, "if it's something that you wanna hear, you can sing it yourself"

Luisa has attended every AA meeting this month. She hasn’t had a drink, and her weekends have been _really_ boring. She’s also hardly talked to Susanna- it’s been surprisingly easy to avoid one another, and it highlights the fact that their friendship is one of her few relationships that doesn’t merely exist from convenience or obligation (or repression, in Rose’s case).

 

She’s begun making amends, and Rafael has been far more kind and patient than any fourteen-year-old should have to be. She even wrote a letter to her mother, telling her all the things she’s sorry for, how much she still wants to make her proud, silly as that seems sometimes.

 

The good thing about AA is that, well, it’s anonymous, and her father doesn’t need to know she’s going (unlike the therapist she asked for years ago).

 

The bad thing is that meetings are on Wednesday nights.

 

She knows she should explain her absences from weekly dinners, to Mrs. Barnett if nothing else, but, well, Susanna hasn’t exactly asked her about them, and so she keeps putting off what feels like her most important apology.

 

Susanna is still driving Rafael home after practice, and while she knows that he would never reveal her treatment, there’s no way they don’t talk about her, even if it’s through metaphors and awkward deflection. There’s a lot to process when it comes to Luisa Alver: Human Disaster.

 

“I think you should tell her.”

 

Raf corners her as she completes the finishing touches on her last college application (She has no desire to attend an Ivy, but her Father’s only insistence was that she at least apply to his alma mater of Yale, nevermind the fact that she’s not studying business).

 

“I’m going to, I promise. I’m just… waiting for the right time.”

 

“There’s never a right time.”

 

(He is way too perceptive sometimes.)

 

“I’m scared. What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

 

“And just ignoring each other is better than that?”

 

(Okay, maybe he has a point, but she’s still terrified of rejection.)

 

“Well yeah, there’s at least hope if I pretend like I have a chance at redemption.”

 

He glares at her like she’s the most oblivious person in the world.

 

“Susanna will forgive you. She already has. But you need to tell her what’s going on before she thinks you’ve abandoned her for good.”

 

“So you haven’t told her?”

 

“No, Luisa, I would never betray your privacy like that. Even if I think you’re letting go of a really great catch by not doing so.”

 

“Raf, we’ve been over this, Susanna’s gay.”

 

(He’s not sure why everyone thinks teasing him about Barnett is hilarious, but if humor is what Luisa needs to deflect from her vulnerability right now, he’ll allow it. Baby steps.)

 

“Lu, you know I just want you to be happy, right?”

 

“Yeah, Raf, I do.”

 

“ I think you’re happier with Susanna in your life. Whatever that means to you. You get to decide what that means to you- what she means to you, so, woman up. Or whatever.”

 

“Rafael, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d borrowed my _Grey’s Anatomy_ DVDs and binged on some Shonda Rhimes realness.”

 

He blushes a little, insecure in his newfound masculinity.

 

“It’s a compelling drama with the perfect mix of levity and emotional resonance!”

_

 

Susanna knows that if she were the bigger person, she would reach out to Luisa and see how she’s doing. She would apologize for calling her stupid, for shutting her out, and rubbing salt in the wound Rose had left her that night. But Susanna has been the bigger person so many times, and for some reason, this is her hill of pettiness to die on.

 

Her mother had asked when Luisa missed the first week of dinners (and Tyler was damn near inconsolable), but she had brushed her off with, “She had a thing come up.” Mrs. Barnett raised an eyebrow at that given the events of the prior weekend, but didn’t push. Kids had to learn the hard way sometimes.

 

Susanna buries herself in logging extra miles, pushing herself to run longer and faster in an effort to purge her mind of doubt and worry. She actually begins to make friends with her teammates, joining them for lunch and the occasional movie night now that she isn’t seeking out Luisa at every available opportunity. It’s a silver lining, and a reminder that she can have friends who don’t require her to be a babysitter.

 

The girls are nice, and funny, though she feels a little out of her element in the larger, boisterous group. They talk a lot about boys, and she mostly just nods along, balancing the tightrope of not lying about her sexuality, but not bringing it up, either- some people are still uneasy with the idea of sharing a locker room with a lesbian, social progress be damned.

 

Andrew has determined that the space is “good for her independence” and that “there are other fish in the sea,” and that he will most certainly be celebrating her 18th birthday next month by taking her to every gay bar in Miami so she should probably start preparing now.

 

She’s filled her days up with study and socialization (and more than a little babysitting), but she can’t deny the void of Luisa’s friendship. She even finds herself missing the things she once found exasperating, like Luisa’s rambles on her clandestine relationship with Rose, or how she teases Susanna about “her type” and threatens to set her up with any and all of the available queer women she knows.

 

(Luisa knows a lot of queer women, but Susanna is not particularly interested in dating one of her exes. She’s not particularly interested in dating anyone right now, for that matter. All she wants is to graduate and move somewhere people don’t assume she’s an idiot for speaking with an accent but also don’t tell her that she’s going to hell for being attracted to women. Is that so much to ask?)

 

Susanna is washing the remnants of Wednesday’s dinner while her mother wrestles with Tyler in the bathtub when the doorbell rings. It’s pretty late for deliveries, and they’re not exactly in the habit of knocking on neighbors’ doors for sugar down here, so she’s wary when she looks through the peephole.

 

Luisa stands on the stoop, envelope in hand, shuffling her feet.

 

“Hey,” Susanna greets, keeping her voice low so as not to alert Tyler- who knows why Luisa is here, so late, after missing dinner and not calling for a month.

 

“I can’t stay, but I needed to give you this, in person,” Luisa spits out, looking at her feet. It’s unsettling to see her so nervous. Luisa walks through the world like the universe’s most confident woman most of the time, but now she looks like a child, admitting to breaking a vase two days after the fact.

 

Susanna gingerly grasps the envelope, unsure of how to respond, what this gesture means for their friendship.

 

“Thanks. Um, Tyler really misses you.”

 

( _I really miss you)._

 

“I miss him, too.”

 

The empty space where she could have asked to come back, to be part of their ragtag family again echoes, silent. Susanna forces a half-smile and wraps her arms around herself to shield the onslaught of emotions having Luisa so close has brought up.

 

“I should go.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Drive safely.”

 

The words are an admonition, but they feel like a prayer as they fall from Susanna’s lips.

_

 

She waves Luisa off and walks to the living room couch in a daze, collapsed in a heap and opening the letter before she can even think to command her fingers.

 

_Susanna,_

 

_I know I have used this word so much it’s practically lost it’s meaning, but I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for snapping at you, for not being big enough to apologize, for needing your help to take care of myself and not being brave enough to ask for it._

 

_I started drinking before I met you, and honestly, if we hadn’t become friends I probably would have reached this point a lot sooner.  I realize, that as many problems as I may have in my life, I haven’t been expressing gratitude enough. So, thank you for geeking out with me about weird medical mysteries, and thank you for listening to me ramble about Rose, and thank you for welcoming me into your family. Thank you for being you and for wanting me to be me, even if I’m not quite sure who that is yet._

 

_I haven’t been at Barnett dinners for two reasons_

_1: I was too scared to ask if i was still welcome, and_

_2: I have been attending an AA meeting for teenagers on Wednesday evenings. It’s been really helpful, but hopefully you can understand some of my reticence to tell you. Raf knows, but that’s it, until now. I trust you, and I hope you won’t think less of me for knowing where i’ve been._

 

_I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself these past few weeks, and I’ve realized that I don’t miss the friends I spent the weekends with so much as I miss having a distraction from my own thoughts, and I don’t miss hooking up with Rose so much as I miss feeling wanted, but I do miss you._

 

_I hope you can forgive me, but I understand why you might not be ready, and I don’t begrudge you that. Please give the next page to Tyler, though._

 

(She’s attached a crude drawing of Tyler and herself as superheroes of some sort.  Apparently 3-year olds can have inside jokes. Susanna wipes away a stray tear before reading the last paragraph)

 

_Whatever happens to our friendship, even if we make up and then go our separate ways in the fall, I want you to know that I am a better person for knowing you, even if I still have a long ways to go._

 

_-Luisa_

 

Susanna rereads the letter, poring over each sentence as she contemplates her response. Her mother trods gently down the stairs, Tyler having finally settled in for the night, and asks, “What’s that?”

 

“Um. A letter, from Luisa. She stopped by.”

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah. Or, it will be, I think.”

 

“You know you can talk to me about anything, Suzie.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” (At this point that refrain is so rote it makes Susanna roll her eyes.)

 

“Well, I’m going to turn in. Don’t stay up too late.”

 

“Thanks, mom.”

 

Her mother plants a kiss on her forehead, squeezing her shoulder.

 

“You know I love you, no matter what, right?”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

(She can unpack her mother’s unsubtle hints at showing support for her sexuality later. Preferably much later. She knows her mom’s not a homophobe, she just doesn’t particularly want to talk to her about anything remotely related to sex. )

 

Susanna gently folds the letter, saving Tyler’s drawing for a surprise in the morning, and shuffles up to her bedroom. She types and erases a few messages before sending off a volley and turning in for the night.

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:43 PM**

_Thank you for your letter_

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:45 PM**

_I was never really mad, just hurt. But I was out of line to talk to you like that, and I owe you an apology, too. You are absolutely brilliant, and it was pretty fucking stupid of me to call you stupid._

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:46 PM**

_There’s a marathon of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant this weekend if u want a (boring, sober, just me) party_

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:47 PM**

_I am SO proud of you. Seriously._

 

When she returns from brushing her teeth, her inbox lifts a weight off her shoulders.

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:50 PM**

_I will bring various candy selections if you provide popcorn and novelty sodas._

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:51 PM**

_See you tomorrow?_

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:51 PM**

_Goodnight :* :* :*_

 

Susanna sleeps better than she has in weeks.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would love nothing more in this world than to watch i didn't know i was pregnant with luisa alver.


	7. Just One Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bathroom confrontations. sleepovers. S M O O C H I N G ?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mama barnett in my head is a cross between brett butler and laura dern. so, let that inform you how it will.

There are many things Susanna can expect to see in the girls’ restroom on any given morning. Rose DiNola, wiping away watery mascara, is not one of them. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll let you have some privacy,” Susanna murmurs, backing away with her eyes on the floor. 

 

Rose sniffles, a half-laugh, half-sob. 

 

“It’s fine, it’s not like you don’t know all my secrets anyway.” 

 

“No offense, Rose, but I don’t know that you’ve ever spoken directly to me until this very moment.”

 

Rose rolls her bloodshot eyes, unimpressed with Susanna’s  naivete. 

“Just because we don’t  _ talk  _ doesn’t mean I’m not aware of who you are. I know everything that happens in this school. And out of it, for that matter. I’m certain Luisa has told you everything.” 

 

Susanna has never been much for poker, and she can’t help the shadow that crosses her face at the reminder of Rose’s two-faced behavior. 

 

(Rose apparently likes to hear herself talk, though, and she continues.) 

 

“So, while my classmates think I’m taking a break from homeroom because I’m  _ so overwhelmed with joy  _ at being on the homecoming court with Dirk, you know that I’m in here because I’m exhausted of playing pretend every. Fucking. Second. Of. my. life. “ 

 

Susanna doesn’t know what exactly it is about her, but people tend to spill their feelings all over her. Maybe it’s the openness of her eyes, or the gentle warmth of her accent, or the fact that she’s not terribly interested in keeping secrets of her own, and others instinctively seem to know that she won’t judge them. She’s a good listener.

 

(But a lousy talker.) 

 

“You don’t have to, you know.” 

 

Rose cackles, bitterly. 

 

“That may be true for you, but darlin’, you don’t know my world. I’m never going to be president if I can’t get a handle on this.” 

 

“You don’t think America will be ready for a queer president in twenty years?” 

 

“America, maybe. The Republican party? Absolutely not.” 

 

(Susanna shouldn’t be surprised. She knows Rose’s family is just as much, if not more, invested in corporate interests.) 

 

“Hey, who knows how desperate they’ll be to appeal to young voters by then!”

 

(It was a joke, but Susanna has never really been good at reading her room. Especially where terrifying queen bee types are concerned. Honestly, she just wanted to pee.)

“Could you be anymore oblivious? Ugh, I should go now, who knows what Dirk is telling everyone about his plans for after the dance.” 

 

Rose shudders, and gives her flawless face one last look-over before turning towards the door. 

 

In hindsight, Susanna’s not sure what in the world made her so foolish as to deign to give advice to Miami’s most ambitious and successful adolescent, but she stops the gorgeous redhead nonetheless. 

 

“Rose?”

 

(It’s the first time they’ve ever actually made eye contact. The intensity of Rose’s icy gaze is disconcerting and powerful, and Susanna starts to understand how Luisa could be led through hell and highwater with only a well-placed stare.)

 

“People can surprise you, if you let them.” 

 

She gets a tight half-smile in return, left wondering  _ what the actual fuck  _ as Rose and her leitmotif whistle back to her awaiting subjects. 

 

She is much too late returning to Physics, but a mumbled “lady troubles” is enough to earn a dismissive wave and a frown of disgust from the curmudgeonly Dr. Williams. 

 

(It’s not even a lie, really.)

_

 

Rafael has spent a long time thinking about Susanna’s advice. Overthinking, perhaps. He’s abruptly ended his morale-boosting mission on the Marbella floor, opting instead to just provide coffee and snacks in the break room. (Employee satisfaction has skyrocketed, and absenteeism has halved, so maybe he has a knack for this business thing anyway.) 

 

His hands tremble slightly as he rolls and unrolls the poster in his hands, waiting (lurking?) for Jane to walk into the lobby before he runs to the locker room for practice. 

 

She immediately spots him, and waves, open, friendly, and beautiful. 

 

“Rafael! Hi, what’s up?”

 

“Oh, hi Jane, I just saw this flyer and it made me think of you- there’s a statewide essay contest with a $5000 scholarship, and I know how amazing a writer you are.” 

 

He hands her the flyer, only slightly wrinkled from his nerves.

 

She inspects it, lips pursing as she reads the fine print. 

 

“Wow. It’s due Sunday at midnight… Maybe I’ll have time after my shift.”

 

“-I can call in a replacement if you need?” 

 

“Oh no, you don’t have to, seriously.” 

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“Positive. I don’t need preferential treatment.” 

 

Rafael notices the tall, confident, handsome boy (man?) next to Jane, and feels suddenly small.

 

“Oh- Rafael, this is Michael.” 

 

They shake hands, gripping just a little too hard in a show of dominance. 

 

In all Rafael’s thoughts and plans of wooing Jane, competition had never even occurred to him. Jealousy unfurls in his chest, searing and bitter. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you,” he delivers cooly. 

 

If Solanos know one thing, it’s making a good impression. 

 

“Well, I gotta get ‘running,’” Rafael continues, before awkwardness can descend on the trio. He flashes his brightest boyish grin and winks at Jane before jogging off to the gym. 

 

She shakes her head and smiles gently, before turning back to the golden boy.

_

Luisa’s week is going  _ great.  _ Her shift at the clinic was productive, and Dr. Garcia talked through undergrad options with her. She’s not decided on a major yet, but the physician was emphatic that pre-med was at best, an addition to an actual major, and at worst, a waste of money. She encouraged her to pursue her passion in undergrad so it could inform her medical practice later on (while still taking the necessary science prerequisites). Dr. Garcia talks to her like she is capable and intelligent, and she feels like her best self when she is with patients, transcribing medical histories and looking at the big picture behind someone’s symptoms. 

 

School hasn’t been too bad either. Susanna has included her with her newfound running friends, and Luisa is really good at making girls like her, even if it’s purely platonic. She’s promised to cheer them all on at their meet this Saturday. She didn’t even flinch during homecoming announcements, though next week will be full of eye-roll inducing pep and pageantry. She can hear Rose’s name without bursting into flames or tears. It’s empowering. 

 

So far the only damper this week has been her father. He’s engaged  _ again  _ to a woman closer to Luisa’s age than his, whom she and Rafael have met all of twice. (She thinks her name is Roxane, but she wouldn’t bet money on it.) The wedding has been on the calendar for 6 months now, but she was just kind of hoping it would get called off, like the last time. But her father is quick to remind her that the date looms next month, and it will be the event of the season. 

 

“Roxane will take you dress shopping on Thursday. She wants to bond before the ceremony.” 

 

(It’s not a question.) 

 

He turns to get back to work, or play, or whatever it is he does when he’s not making grandiose gestures at parenting, but Luisa stops him with a small voice. 

 

“Dad?”

 

“Yes, darling?”

 

“Can I bring a date?” 

 

“Of course, Luisa. It’s your party too.” 

 

Luisa made it through weddings 4 and 5 by the grace of champagne, and she knows that she will need all the help in the world to make it through the reception sober. She just has to think of how in the world to convince Susanna to spend an evening entirely out of her element among Miami’s most pretentious. 

 

(And to figure out whether she actually wants it to be a date or not.

_

 

Susanna has the whole house to herself this weekend. It’s  _ weird.  _ Tyler is gone for the week with his dad and her mother left Thursday night for a long Girls’ Weekend. Before she left, she cautioned Susanna, “I know you won’t throw any wild parties, because you’re you, but try not to burn the house down. It’s my duty as a mother to remind you not to have unprotected sex or get in cars with strangers. I love you.” 

 

She doesn’t like races, truth be told, but at least this one is local, and for the first time in her life, she grins through the urge to vomit when she sees Luisa waving wildly, holding a sign that reads “I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU RUN BUT I’M VERY IMPRESSED BY IT” in bubble letters. Luisa doesn’t even balk at embracing her in a sweaty hug, promising to bring all the carbohydrates to their “boring party” in reward for her efforts. 

 

They part ways as Luisa prepares her “SOLANO? MORE LIKE SO-LONG-OH!” poster for Raf’s race, and Susanna joins her teammates for a cooldown and idle chatter. Her neighbor during stretches, a leggy brunette named Maria, makes small talk as they isolate their hip flexors.

 

“So, are you and Luisa, like together? You know we don’t care if you’re gay, right? This isn’t Alabama.” 

 

(She’s proud that she only chokes a little bit. The blushing can be explained by blood rushing to her head, right?)

 

“Um. We’re just friends. Who happen to both be lesbians. But thank you for your support?” 

 

“Oh. Okay. Could’ve fooled me. My cousin is single and totally adorable, if you ever want a set up, by the way.” 

 

(Why do people always assume that any two given queers will want to date each other? Ugh.)

 

“I’m not really looking to date right now, but I’m flattered.” 

 

Maria gives her a knowing nod, her strong jaw saying  _ keep telling yourself that , sweetheart.  _

 

_

Susanna can hardly see Luisa’s face for all the bag’s she’s carrying to the front door. 

 

(She has a bit of a tendency to go overboard. No one will ever accuse Luisa Alver of not caring enough.) 

 

The brunette barrels through the front door. 

 

“So, I have chocolate, ice cream, pop corn, potato chips, pretzels, and twizzlers.”

 

“We might starve.”

 

“Ha ha ha. Now let me in, we don’t all have strong lady arms!”

 

Luisa pouts a little about Tyler’s absence, but secretly she’s relieved to have Susanna to herself. They quickly settle into the couch for a Netflix binge of TLC reality shows. 

 

“Popcorn and Swedish Fish? That’s disgusting.”  Luisa chucks a piece of popcorn to accentuate her point. 

 

“Salty and sweet! It’s a natural balance of complementary flavors and contrasting textures.”

 

“Okay, but are you sure you’re not pregnant? Weird-ass cravings are an indicator, you know.” 

 

Susanna visibly shudders. 

 

“Dear lord I hope not. It’s my worst nightmare.”

 

“So you don’t want kids? Ever?”

 

“Oh my god you sound like my mom.”

 

Their philosophical discussion is interrupted by a ping notification from Susanna’s Skype.

 

“That’s Andrew- I forgot about our weekly phone date.” 

 

“Well, you can answer, unless you’re embarrassed of me.” 

 

(Luisa jests, but she’s still painfully aware of all the reasons Susanna could, in fact, be embarrassed of her.)

 

“Don’t be silly.” 

 

Andrew’s tan, chiseled face appears on the screen. (It really is unfair how good some boys manage to look in v neck tshirts.)

 

“About time! It’s almost like you  _ forgot  _ about our date- did Luisa distract you?”

 

(The brunette pops her head into the frame and gives a little wave.)

 

“Oh. Hi, Luisa. Nice to meet you. I’m Andrew. Susanna’s  _ best  _ friend.”

 

He’s going a little overboard with the possessiveness, but Susanna knows it’s just his way of being protective. 

 

Luisa laughs easily, unoffended at Andrew’s display of territoriality. 

 

“I know all about you, Andrew. From what I can tell, without us, Susanna would be a champion knitter with a dozen cats. Thank you for doing the lord’s work.” 

 

“I’m right  _ here  _ you know,” Susanna interjects. 

 

It’s not long at all before Luisa and Andrew have begun planning his visit (and her birthday, heaven help her), and she just kind of takes it all in. Luisa scoots closer to her during the call, at one point resting her hand on her thigh (to make a point?) and never removing it. 

 

It feels like a rite of passage somehow, her two lives meeting (albeit virtually). 

 

After half an hour, Andrew bows out “to actually have a social life, one of these days I will actually get you to a party, Suze,” and the girls return to their previously scheduled mindless entertainment. 

 

“Let’s watch a movie,” Luisa yawns, stretching, cat-like, “something really fluffy and stupid and cliche.” 

 

They settle for  _ Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason,  _ and watch in silence. 

 

It’s all of fifteen minutes before Luisa’s head is on her shoulder, and all of twenty before light snores punctuate Renee Zellweger’s British lilt. 

 

Susanna surreptitiously pulls her phone from her pocket to read the avalanche of messages she knows Andrew has sent. 

 

**Andrew Lewis, 8:43 PM**

_ Oh my god you didn’t tell me you were  _ **_MARRIED_ **

 

**Andrew Lewis, 8:44 PM**

_ but she is very cute- congrats on the catch _

 

**Andrew Lewis, 8:44 PM**

_ seriously tho, that girl is either a manipulative piece of shit or totally into you. might i suggest smashing your face into her face as a litmus test?  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:05 PM**

_ You are such a romantic.  _

 

(She attaches a blurry selfie of Luisa’s slumbering form to the next message.) 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:06 PM**

_ I think face smashing might have to wait. _

 

**Andrew Lewis, 9:15 PM**

_ This party officially sucks, congratulations on your cuddle fest, please do something reckless so i can live vicariously through u ?  _

 

This time, the buzz of her phone jolts Luisa awake. 

 

“Who is that?” 

 

“Oh, sorry, Andrew was just bombarding me because he’s bored.” 

 

(Just because Susanna is honest to a fault doesn’t mean she’s averse to lies of omission.) 

 

“Ooooh, let me help!”

 

Before she can stop her, Luisa has grabbed her phone and scrolled through the messages. Susanna blanches, stone still.

 

Luisa pauses, measuring her words. 

 

“One, I feel a little betrayed by this photograph. Two,” (at this she takes a deep breath, gathering courage) “would that be the worst thing in the world?” 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“You. Me. Kissing. It’s kind of silly to pretend we don’t like each other as more than friends.” 

 

“But what if we missed our chance? What if we break up and hate each other? What if-” 

 

Luisa grabs her hands, stalling the rant before it can spiral out of control.

 

“Susanna, I have spent my whole life wondering ‘what if,’ and all it does is paralyze you from moving forward. I would really like to kiss you now, if that’s okay.”

 

Her eyes are gentle, and Susanna swallows the lump in her throat. As she nods yes, her head moves of its own accord to close the gap between them. 

 

Luisa’s lips are as pillowy as they look, and she makes this tiny little “hmmmph” in the back of her throat that makes Susanna’s toes curl. 

 

She’s too caught up in the fact that she has never actually kissed a girl before to be truly present, her mind racing with unwelcome thoughts. 

 

_ holy shit this is actually happening. _

_ is it supposed to feel weird? _

_ like, not bad, but stranger than expected. _

_ should my eyes be closed? _

_ how do you know when to stop? _

 

She notices that she’s become a ball of tension when Luisa pulls back, moving her hand to the blonde’s shoulder. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, um. I just, that was my first kiss.” 

 

Susanna flushes in shame and embarrassment, feeling immensely inadequate in the shadow of Luisa’s experience. 

 

But Luisa just smiles, with a devilish grin. 

 

“Well, I know for a fact that you’re a quick study.”

 

The second kiss is less hesitant, as Luisa’s hand moves from her shoulder to wrap around the back of her neck, tangling her fingers in Susanna’s hair as she pulls her closer. Just as her mouth opens slightly and Luisa’s tongue teases the roof of her mouth (which? Should not feel as nice as it does, by any logic or reason), the lock on the front door turns and they leap apart. 

 

“I swear to god, the universe is out against me! The one weekend I have off in months and Sonya has to go get food poisoning? I am not about to play nurse on my vacation, I swear.”

 

“Mom?” Susanna calls into the kitchen, where her Ms. Barnett has begun pouring herself a nice tall glass of pinot grigio. 

 

“Hey, girls, sorry to interrupt your fun.”

 

“No worries, Ms. Barnett,” Luisa chimes, “We were losing steam anyways.” 

 

(Nothing could be farther from the truth, at this very moment. Susanna feels like her ears are whistling.) 

 

“Oh, I love this movie! Did you know Renee is from Texas? And that Colin Firth, mmmmmmmm.” 

 

Ms. Barnett plants herself in the (now wide) gap between the girls to watch the second half of their forgotten movie. Susanna tries to distract herself with thoughts of disdain for Hugh Grant, but she eventually gives up, excusing herself to bed. 

 

“You’ll finish with me, won’t you Lu?”

 

“Of course. I don’t think Susanna shares our love of rom-coms.”

 

Her mother sighs.

 

“She’s so serious. I remember her presenting a thoroughly researched argument why bunnies cannot lay eggs to her kindergarten class. I got a lot of angry phone calls from moms about how their Easter plans were ruined. She doesn’t really do suspension of disbelief.”

 

As Ms. Barnett sips her wine, she opens up about her daughter. 

 

“Sometimes I think I’m the reason why she’s so guarded. I mean, married twice unsuccessfully, going on 3 dates a year, it’s not like she’s got a good model for healthy love.” 

 

“I’m sure that’s not true.” 

 

“That’s sweet, hon, but it really is. And then I guess there’s the gay thing. I hope she knows she can tell me when she’s ready. It breaks my heart to think she has to hide from anyone, much less me.” 

 

Luisa nods, terrified that her mother has already connected the dots about their maybe-more-than-friendship. 

 

“I like you, Luisa, and I consider you family, but if you do anything to hurt my daughter you will be dead to me.” 

 

(By this point, Bridget is running through the streets of London. Luisa just nods, blankly, wondering how in the world she will relay this conversation to Susanna.) 

 

“Now,” Ms. Barnett pats her knee, “I think you better crash on the couch tonight. I’m a very light sleeper, so keep that in mind.”

  
_ What a fucking night. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because they are (maybe?) together doesn't mean we're conflict free! I couldn't hold out on the kissing forever ;)


	8. I Really Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the kiss. 
> 
> Decidedly angst-free and fluff-heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY, FRIENDS. 
> 
> I hope the sheer sweetness of this chapter makes up for it. 
> 
> The shooting at Pulse gutted me, and made it very difficult to focus on writing queer joy for a hot minute. But queer joy is how we live our lives to the fullest, how we love in the face of hate, and how we make our lives meaningful for every damn second we have. 
> 
> You are loved and you are important and don't you ever fucking forget that.

Susanna has never tossed and turned so much in her life. 

 

Well, she was a very fitful sleeper after her dad left, and then there was the unquiet of tornado season in Tuscaloosa, but, in recent memory, she has  _ never _ been so restless. She assumed that Luisa would make her way up to her room when the film ended, but she’s spent at least an hour refusing any attempt at sleep, wondering if she’s already messed up her first attempt at romance.  

Her mom pops her head in the door to say goodnight, with no mention of Luisa, and Susanna is too nervous to ask about her whereabouts. 

 

But Susanna wasn’t raised to be no coward, so she texts the brunette, resolving that no response just means she’s already asleep, not that Susanna is the world’s most awkward kisser, worthy of spending the rest of her life alone. 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:35 PM**

_ Are you okay? _

 

(Apparently Luisa is similarly restless; her response is instantaneous.) 

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:35 PM**

_ Yes. your mother is terrifying. I’m sorry. _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:36 PM**

_ What did she do? She didn’t say anything when she came up here _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:36 PM**

_ I don’t know what she knows or what she thinks she knows, but she kind of pulled the angry dad with a shotgun thing… i was not encouraged to join you in your bedroom.  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:37 PM**

_ Jesus. Ugh. she does throw a lot of knowing looks my way. I entirely understand if you can never set foot in this house again _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:37 PM**

_ Please. Your mom loves me. She’s just being a responsible parent and preventing me from corrupting you under her own roof.  _

 

(Susanna would be lying if thoughts of said corruption hadn’t been keeping her awake as much as her own anxieties.)

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:38 PM**

_ My mind is plenty corrupted already, thank you _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:38 PM**

_ And I would LOVE to hear all. about. it. But I think we should probably act prudently, given the mood your mother was in tonight.  _

 

Susanna can’t help but frown. Tonight was a whole lot of buildup for a distinct lack of climax.

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:39 PM**

_ I would also really love to kiss you again, properly, if that’s alright with you.  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:40 PM**

_ So alright. The most alright thing in the world. Please and thank you.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:41 PM**

_ You’re really cute, you know that?  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:41 PM**

_ Okay, now you’re just trying to sweet talk me. _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:42 PM**

_ Is it working?  _

 

(Susanna is full-on grinning, now. She is helpless when it comes to Luisa. It’s both pathetic and exhilarating.) 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 11:42 PM**

_ Absolutely. Remember to use your power for good, not evil. Good night.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 11:43 PM**

**:***

 

**_**

 

Luisa is pretty in touch with her sexuality. 

 

(It might be the one part of herself that she’s not the least bit ashamed of.) 

 

But she must have been seriously repressing her attraction to Susanna, because it  _ all  _ comes out in her dreams. Her smell, her voice, the press of her body all translated from platonic memories into a romantic collage that leaves her sweaty and wanting and… 

 

Rolling off the couch onto the floor. 

 

Oof. Nothing like reality to wake you up. 

 

She takes a minute to reorient to her surroundings, sitting up on the carpet. Before she can crawl back into bed, Susanna plods down the stairs, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. 

 

She stops when she sees Luisa, shaking her head to reassert that she is, in fact, awake. 

 

“Everything okay?” 

 

(Luisa has never heard Susanna’s raspy-just-woke-up voice before. It’s not helping her state right now.) 

 

“Just rolled onto the floor, you know how clumsy I can be. Your mom still asleep?” 

 

Susanna yawns and nods, running her fingers through her hair. 

 

“She’ll probably rage nap until at least noon. Or at least hole up in her room and watch  _ Fixer Upper  _ reruns until lunch.” 

 

“Well,” Luisa purrs as she extricates herself from the tangle of blankets on the floor, “I guess I can do this, then.” 

 

She pulls Susanna into a lazy kiss, humming in the back of her throat as she pushes the blonde’s hair behind her ears. 

 

“That’s nice,” Susanna sighs, as she leans into the impromptu scalp massage, before pushing away and barreling into the kitchen, “but I still need coffee.” 

 

“No fun,” Luisa pouts. 

 

“I promise I’m plenty fun after I’m caffeinated.” 

 

“I can think of better ways to get you going,” Luisa whispers. 

 

She can’t help it- it’s reflex. 

 

(And she is still  _ really  _ turned on.) 

 

She must have pushed too hard, because Susanna stops mid-pour to meet her eyes, concern wrinkling her features. 

 

“Luisa, I am  _ exceptionally  _ flattered by the idea that you find me attractive, but this is all a little… fast for me.” 

 

“I’m sorry, Susanna, old habits die hard. And early morning looks really good on you. Would it make you feel more comfortable if we went someplace and talked, without the supersonic hearing of Mama Barnett?” 

 

Susanna’s face relaxes into an easy grin, as she rolls her eyes at the invocation of her mother’s ubiquity where gossip was concerned. 

 

“Yeah, I think it would. Let me leave her a note. Can we take your car?”

 

“Only the best for you, darlin’.” 

_

 

Sunday morning might be the only time Miami’s streets are remotely quiet. They end up meandering aimlessly in Luisa’s convertible, eventually pulling into an access road on the Marbella’s property and pulling below an old oak blanketed in Spanish Moss. Susanna’s hand drapes gently over Luisa’s on the clutch, but they don’t speak en route to their destination. 

 

“So,” Luisa begins, shifting into park. 

 

“Are we doing this?” Susanna decides to cut to the chase. 

 

(Lord knows they’ve had enough dancing around the truth up until this point.) 

 

“Well, I like you, and you like me, and no matter what we do things will be different from here on out. “

 

“But do you want to actually date? Because, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of an old lady when it comes to this stuff. I don’t know that I could do a friends-with-benefits situation.” 

 

Luisa squeezes Susanna’s hand, and looks into her eyes, which have been burning a hole in the floorboard. 

 

“Yes, Susanna Barnett, I want to date you. In fact, I was going to ask you to be my date to my father’s wedding next month.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

That is not really taking it slow. 

 

“I mean, I was going to ask you as a friend, for support, but I still want you there, and need you there, and I never get to see you dressed up so that would be fun, too-”

 

“I would love to be your date for your father’s wedding.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment, Luisa relieved and Susanna pensive. 

 

“Does this mean you want to tell people? About us, I mean?”

They’ve never really talked about the prospect of Susanna coming out before. It was always kind of a non-issue with no romantic partner in the picture; most folks weren’t too curious, and she wasn’t in the habit of lying, it just never came up. 

 

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, I’ll respect. I know I’m a little more open than most folks about my love life.” 

 

“I should probably tell my mom, huh.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

 

“That’ll be the world’s most awkward conversation. If I don’t die of embbarassment, can we just let people figure it out? I don’t really like spectacle.” 

 

“That sounds perfect,” Luisa grins. “I think we have another hour before your mom gets suspicious. Are we done talking?” 

 

(Susanna is, in fact a quick study in the art of kissing. She can’t remember her own name after thirty minutes, but she does know three ways to make Luisa’s toes curl and one to make her moan, and it’s a damn good thing she set a phone alarm because her mother might have to file a missing person’s report otherwise.) 

_

 

Luisa bows out gracefully when they get back to the Barnett House, squeezing Susanna’s hand and mouthing “good luck” before hugging Ms. Barnett goodbye. 

 

“How was your morning?” Her mother asks, trying to hide her intense curiosity behind a veil of nonchalance. 

 

“Look, can we just make this quick and painless? I’m gay, Luisa and I are dating, I know you’re not a homophobe but it’s weird to talk to a parent about that kind of stuff.” 

 

Susanna is out of breath and beet red by the time she finishes. 

 

“Oh sweetheart, thank you for telling me.” 

(Her mother wraps her in an uncomfortably tight hug.) 

 

“Now, you know to be safe, right?” 

 

“See, this was what I was talking about. Besides, we haven’t… slept together.”

 

“Well honey, you know it’s not just about physical safety, right? That’s a big emotional step to take with someone, just make sure you’re ready when the time comes. It’s okay to say no, even if you do love someone.” 

 

(Susanna was exaggerating earlier, but she really might die if her mother does not  _ stop.)  _

 

“Got it mom, my body is a temple,  you can’t unsqueeze toothpaste out of the tube, sex is very special and not to be taken lightly. Rest easy knowing I won’t get pregnant.” 

 

“I like Luisa. I think you’re good for her. But you know this means I do have to be a little more strict with you, right?” 

 

“No doors closed, follow curfew, no more sleepovers, blah blah blah. I figured as much when you made her sleep on the couch last night.” 

 

Now it’s Ms. Barnett’s turn to flush in shame. 

 

“I may have been a bit overzealous, Susanna, and for that I’m sorry. It wasn’t a great night.” 

 

“You’re telling me. Now can we forget we ever had this conversation and watch people smash drywall? I’ll make grilled cheese.” 

 

Her mother squeezes her a little too tight before she heads to the stove, as if to hold on to the last vestiges of her only girl’s innocence. Susanna hugs back, as if to say  _ I’m sorry, I love you, we’re okay, right?  _ With only her wiry arms. 

_

“Why didn’t you mention Michael Cordero to me?” 

 

Rafael doesn’t even acknowledge Susanna as he climbs in the passenger seat and begins his tirade. 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“He obviously likes Jane, and they spend a lot of time together. Yet you’ve never brought up his name.” 

 

“Look Raf, I’m sorry if I don’t keep tabs on all of Jane’s suitors. I do, on occasion have a life of my own.” 

 

(She smiles to herself as she says it, instead of looking forlorn, and Rafael puts 2 and 2 together.) 

 

Luisa had come home early Sunday afternoon and offered to cook him lunch, which she only ever attempted when she was in an exceptionally good mood. She also clammed up when he tried to make small talk about her sleepover at Susanna’s , and redirected his curiosity by asking him questions about Jane (which worked, much to his chagrin). Now, normally sullen Susanna was smiling to herself and had what appeared to be a very small hickey just under the collar of her t-shirt. 

 

“Oh my god. You finally got together with my sister. I thought this would make me happy, but it’s kind of grossing me out.” 

 

She pauses, contemplating how best to respond to his accusation, before choosing honesty (Susanna is a terrible liar, and they both know it.) 

 

“We may have… realized that we share some mutual feelings and acted upon said feelings. But it’s still pretty new, so, maybe don’t pressure her about it?”

 

“You sound like I’m going to force her to take your hand in marriage to keep up the Solano name or something.” 

 

“You know what I mean. It’s too early for labels or anything. But, there is one thing I could maybe use your advice on?” 

 

“You do intel on Cordero, it’s yours.” 

 

“Seriously?” 

 

“Do you want my help?” 

 

Susanna rolls her eyes. 

 

“Fine. Luisa asked me to be her date to your father’s wedding next month. I have no idea what to wear, or how to behave, or what to expect. And it feels weird to ask her as a date, and not a friend. Will you help me out?” 

 

“Susanna,”

Rafael has a slightly evil glint in his eye. 

 

“Are you asking me to give you a makeover?” 

 

“If you want me to spy for you you will stop the teasing this instant.” 

 

He zips his lips before rolling out the door of the car before she even has time to come to a complete stop. When Susanna gets home, she has an unread message from Luisa waiting for her. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 4:45 PM**

_ Raf thinks he is subtle, but he keeps trying to congratulate me while not revealing that he knows we’re together. How long should I let him make an ass of himself? _

 

**Luisa Alver, 4:56**

_ Made the mistake of putting him out of his misery and now I’m getting a year’s worth of I told you so’s.   _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 5:01 PM**

_ I’m sorry. I may have blabbed on our drive. I don’t do well under pressure.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 5:03 PM**

_ Oh please, you’re more than worth a little teasing from lil’ mr. businessman. I do hope Tyler gives you a better go of it, though.  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 5:05 PM**

_ Tbh he will probably want to know when we can get married so you will be his sister.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 5:06 PM**

_ Stranger things have happened! Though please, let us get through Emilio ties the knot part 5: THE RECKONING before we cross that bridge.  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 5:07 PM**

_ Maybe you should bring Tyler as your date instead. He’s much more charming.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 5:08 PM**

_ There is no one in this world I would rather have by my side than you.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 5:09 PM**

_ Now go get a shower, you probably stink  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 5:10 PM**

_ Love you, too :P _

 

It’s a reflex, but the moment she’s sent the message, Susanna wishes she could take it back. It is  _ way  _ too soon for that kind of talk, she really is becoming the uhaul sterotype in her very first lesbian relationship. Her phone almost shatters in her grip as she waits for a reply, but her fears are abated when Luisa just sends a selfie with puckered lips and her free hand pinching the bridge of her nose. 

  
They’re still themselves, and they just might be all right at the end of all this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Next chapter: the wedding. And angst. There is no story without conflict, right?)


	9. Be My Thrill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luisa is charming. Susanna is awkward. Rafael is adorable.
> 
> TW: Homophobia, violence, white dudes being the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20,000 words whoaaa! AND SO MUCH LONGER TO GO. apparently i'm writing a novel- thanks for sticking with me, you faithful few.

It’s almost shockingly easy to fall into being a couple in public, Susanna thinks, as she links her arm in Luisa’s when they meet up before lunch. 

 

(Probably because most people already thought they were a couple, but that’s beside the point.) 

 

Other than a few double-takes followed by thumbs-ups or “about time!”, it’s really a non-issue. Their public communication is hardly altered; a little more hand-holding, a kiss on the cheek or a short peck in the parking lot (not in the halls;  Luisa might skirt the law, but Susanna plans on obeying every PDA statute on the books), perhaps the occasional slightly heated stare. 

 

Their private communication, though… 

 

After a quick check-in before parting ways for homeroom, Susanna had sat down to an inbox inundated with texts from Luisa. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:55 AM**

 

_ Can i just say _

 

_ Those jeans make your ass look amazing _

 

_ (It is so much more fun to tell you these things than to keep them to myself! Good for us!!!! <3 <3 <3 ) _

 

_ Anyway, since I am not made of denim, I cannot be as close to you as I would like, but know you’re on my mind ;)  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 8:00 AM**

_ I swear to god if you fail calculus because of my ass you will never see it again.  _

 

_ (but thank you)  _

_ (that dress looks really pretty on you.) _

_ (Everything looks pretty on you. ) _

_ (Did you know you’re really pretty?)  _

 

Luisa had just texted back an angelic-looking selfie from underneath her desk as her math teacher droned on about points of inflection. 

_

 

Rafael actually experiences more direct homophobia than his sister. 

 

He’s walking to his locker when generic blonde cross country captain (Mitch? Mike? Mitt? Still can’t remember his name) sidles up to him. 

 

“Yo, Solano, you didn’t tell me Barnett was a fuckin’ dyke.” 

 

Rafael stops in his tracks, squaring his shoulders to face the taller senior. 

 

“What did you just say?”

 

“You didn’t tell me that blondie was fucking your  _ sister _ .”

 

“Look, Mitchell, I didn’t tell you, because it’s none of your business what Susanna does. She would never be interested in you not only because you’re male, but because you’re an insensitive prick who thinks he’s entitled of female attention simply because he exists.” 

 

(He might have gone too far, he thinks, when he feels the cold press of metal lockers against his shoulder blades and rough hands dangerously close to his throat.)

 

“I will fucking end you-”

 

“-What is going on here?”

Jane Villanueva, in all her 5’ 3 ½” glory,  _ marches  _ up to the boys with the authority of a drill sergeant. 

 

“Mitchell, if you want to ever see the outside of the principal’s office again, you will put Rafael down right now.”

 

“Look, Jane, we were just horsin’ around, guy stuff, you don’t get it,” the blond placates, mercifully bringing his hands to his side as Rafael slumps against the hard surface, breathing heavily. 

 

“Save it. Get out of here before you get suspended for cutting class again.” 

 

He stalks off, muttering “bitch” under his breath. 

 

Jane turns her attention to Rafael, her fiery eyes softening as they meet his. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Yeah, he was just being an idiot.” 

 

Rafael tries to sound cool, but his voice cracks and squeaks, adrenaline still coursing through his veins. 

 

“Thanks, for saving me.” 

 

“I didn’t embarrass you, did I?” Jane winks. 

 

“What, are you kidding? That was so badass!” 

 

Jane laughs, and the sound waves instantly heal the quickly rising bruises on his collarbone. 

 

“Good. You know, I’m actually working on a romance novel plot right now where the woman rescues the man.” She brings her hand from his shoulder gently down to rest on his forearm for a moment. 

 

_ Oh shit.  _

 

“And she’s still into him? After all that?” 

 

( _ Could you be any more obvious, Rafael?)  _

 

“Yeah, she definitely is.” 

 

Her hand squeezes his before she motions towards the door of her classroom. 

 

“I need to get back to class, but get those bruises checked out, okay?”

 

“I’ll have Luisa look at them tonight. I think it looks worse than it is.” 

 

Her brow is furrowed in concern, like she doesn’t quite believe him. 

 

“Raf?” 

 

He turns back from his rushed turning of the lock he came here to open in the first place. 

 

“I heard what you said- you’re a good dude. Please don’t ever change.” 

 

(If anyone asks, he isn’t blushing, it’s just an aftereffect of his nervous system’s autonomic response.)

_

Romance may be precluding her schoolwork, but Luisa dutifully turns off her phone when she heads to the clinic today. 

 

(She doesn’t need to know calculus to practice gynecology. Patient care, however, is a skill that always needs nurturing.) 

 

She knows it’s unethical to have favorite patients, but she can’t help but smile when Alba Villanueva walks into the lobby. 

 

“Buenos días, Señora Villanueva!”

 

“Luisa! Tu tienes un aura de felicidad!” 

 

She leans in conspiratorially.

“¿Es amor?”

 

Luisa can’t help but laugh at the older woman’s perceptiveness. 

 

“ Una dama nunca besa y le dice!” 

 

Jane tumbles through the door, shuffling through papers as she approaches Luisa’s reception desk. 

 

“Sorry, sorry, we just left something in the car. Here you go!”

 

“Test records- good, I’ll get these to the doctor and you can be seen in a minute.”

Alba settles in to watch the telenovela playing in the waiting area, while Jane lingers. 

 

“Did Rafael talk to you?” 

 

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Luisa mumbles as she files the paperwork away, “Why? Did something happen?” 

 

Jane pauses for a moment, deciding what to reveal, and whose trust to betray. 

 

“Oh, no, I just ran into him today and he mentioned a race or something that got rescheduled.” 

 

It’s a poor lie, but Luisa is too immersed in her work to notice. 

_

 

“Michael, right?” 

 

Cordero looks at her like she’s grown a third eye. 

 

“Susanna, we know each other. We were partners in poli sci  _ last semeste _ r.”

 

(Susanna sucks at small talk. She sucks even worse at hiding intentions.) 

 

“Well, you know, I haven’t really seen you since then, and I’ve been told I have a very forgettable face.” 

 

Michael’s a pretty nice guy by most standards, but he’s put off by her weirdness, she can tell. 

 

“Can I help you with something?” 

 

“Well, I just realized, you and I want to be police officers, right? And yet, we hardly know each other! We should be friends.” 

 

_ (When in doubt, go earnest?) _

 

He’s still a little suspicious, but his posture relaxes at the mention of the force. 

 

“Yeah, I want to make detective and work in narcotics. My old man was a cop, too.” 

 

“So does that mean you want to stay in Miami? Or are you going away for college?”

 

(If nothing else, she can give Rafael a timeline for making an ass of himself.) 

 

“Miami, for sure. And I’m going straight to the academy. Why waste time when I know what I want to do?” 

 

(Susanna has a whole spiel on the necessity of an intelligent, educated force which has the cultural and historical context to engage with communities beyond violence and intimidation, but now is probably not the right time for a diatribe on the ethics of policing in America.)

 

“That makes sense. But I bet training takes a lot more of your time than classes- no time for a social life amirite?” 

 

“I guess? It’s not like going off to war- what are you trying to get at?” 

 

“I just mean, it would be hard to have a relationship during all that, especially if it were new.” 

 

“So you’re not going to the academy because you’re dating Luisa?” 

 

“... sure. Maybe? Oh, that’s her calling right now, gotta go!” 

_ 

 

It isn’t actually Luisa calling. It’s Rafael. She made the mistake of giving him a timeline for information. 

 

“Well?”

 

“Calm down, Raf. You could have waited the five minutes for me to get back to my car.” 

 

“Nope. Spill.” 

 

“Michael has every intention of staying in Miami, going directly to the academy, and working in narcotics for a long and fruitful career. It lines up perfectly with Jane’s priorities.”

 

“What did he say about her?” 

 

“Oh, nothing, we just talked cop stuff.”  

 

She can hear him banging his head against her car door. 

 

“Asking him about Jane would have been way too obvious. And besides, Rafael, women are not something to be fought over. Tell her how you feel, or don’t. It’s on you, not on Michael, if she never learns how you feel. And it’s not  _ his  _ fault if you get rejected. “

 

“You are so inspiring, Susanna, no wonder my sister is in love with you.” 

 

“Shut up, and take me shopping. I kept up my end of the bargain.” 

_

 

Rafael directs them to a small boutique, but stops her in the car before they can enter. 

 

“First things first, you need to decide who you’re trying to impress with this outfit.”

 

“Luisa?” 

 

“You sure? Because what will impress Luisa and what will impress my father are two different things.” 

 

“Well, seeing as I’m not asking for her hand in marriage, and your father will probably be too busy getting married to pay me much notice, yes, I’m sure.” 

 

“It’s your funeral,” he mumbles, leading them to the menswear section. 

 

“Oh. Huh.” 

 

Susanna’s thoughts telegraph across her features- concern, worry, curiosity, and more than a little excitement. 

 

“This store has the best tailor in Miami. You pay through the nose for alterations but you will look amazing.” 

 

“Rafael, I can’t afford-”

 

“-I’m sorry,  _ I  _ will pay through the nose for your alterations, and you will look amazing.”

 

“It’s too much, I can’t…” 

 

Even as she says the words, her fingers linger on luxurious fabric, deep navy to bring out the delicacy of her pale skin. 

 

“It’s not too much for me. And I pretty much pushed you and Lu into this mess, so, consider it a thank you that she’s not bringing Rose to this shitstorm. You can at least keep her sober.” 

 

45 minutes later, the suit is purchased, her measurements are taken, and they’ve made plans to return at the same time next week for the final fitting. 

 

She can’t help but linger on Rafael’s comments though, all her concerns about her inadequacies to live in the Solano’s world bubbling up to the surface. She drops Rafael at the Marbella and her mind races as the buildings grow more modest, the cars more shabby, each mile she gets closer to home. 

 

She tries to study, but eventually caves to her insecurities, texting Luisa. 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:15 PM**

_ Does your dad know about us?  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:16 PM**

_ He knows I’m taking a date to the wedding, if that’s what you mean. He didn’t ask whom. _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:16 PM**

_ Oh.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:16 PM**

_ It’s not bad! He’s just not a hands on parent like your mom. Besides, I think he’s in greece right now. Are you okay?  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:17 PM**

_ Yeah. sorry. Just having a weird day. Are you coming to dinner tomorrow? _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:18 PM**

_ Of course! I promised I would introduce Tyler to the wonder of fried plantains!  _

 

Oh. That’s right. Luisa had threatened to actually cook, heaven help them. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:19 PM**

_ And we need to “study” ;) _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:19 PM**

_ No, seriously, i need you to explain polar graphing to me or i will be trapped looking at Mr. Valdez’s saggy khakis until i am 85.  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:20 PM**

_ I wouldn’t wish such a fate upon my worst enemy. If you get me through pig dissection, I reckon i can compromise.  _

 

_ (how do you deal with the formaldehyde? barf.)  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:21 PM**

_ And please don’t burn down the kitchen. I like it here.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:22 PM**

_ Oh baby, the only thing that’s gonna be burning is my love for u ;)  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 7:23 PM**

_ If you weren’t so cute, you would be soooooo creepy. _

 

**Luisa Alver, 7:23 PM**

_ Tell me more about how cute i am, thx. _

 

Her worries are swept beneath the rug of fast moving fingers and an increasingly racing heartbeat, to surface another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just? Love? raf? 
> 
> who am i 
> 
> Also, y'all, I am straight up OBSESSED with call the midwife right now, but I will do everything in my power to stay the course for this fic <3


	10. Wedding Bell Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emilio gets married. Again. 
> 
> (It's not a great night.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um this chapter is a little s e x y- we all read Judy Blume's Forever, we all know teens don't magically wait til they're 18 to start gettin' busy, so if that bothers you, you've been warned!

Luisa isn’t a bad cook. She’s just… messy. And maybe a little more improvisatory than practiced, but spontaneity is the spice of life. She designates Tyler her sous chef (he wears a paper hat and counts out plantains for her) and gets to work attempting to prepare the dishes her mother taught her over a decade ago.

 

(She might be trying to impress Ms. Barnett. She’s not sure Susanna’s mom trusts her after the revelation of the newfound relationship with her daughter.) 

 

They make a few loud crashes en route to completion, but Luisa answers each  “Are you  _ sure  _ you’re okay?” with a “fine, thanks!” and Tyler ooohs and ahhhs like she is a living, breathing Julia Child. 

 

Dinner comes out a little burned, but it’s edible, at least. 

 

Ms. Barnett fawns over her efforts, and squeezes her hand when she tells the story of standing on her tiptoes so she could watch her mother cook on weekends Emilio was away. The older woman is especially happy when Susanna volunteers them for cleanup duty while Tyler gets ready for bed. 

 

“Did you think you were feeding an army?” 

 

“Hey, you volunteered to help me.” 

 

“Because the kitchen is much more private than the living room, and Tyler is at his noisiest during bathtime…” 

 

Susanna rests her hands on Luisa’s hips, and pulls her in for a kiss. It feels like ages since they’ve had proper alone time , and Susanna pushes Luisa against the sink to bring their bodies closer together. Until Luisa jumps off the counter, yelping. 

 

Right. Faucet. Dishes. 

 

Luisa shoots her a dirty look as she wrings the warm water out of her dress, and crosses her arms as Susanna begins to scrub at pots and pans. 

 

“Can you at least dry?” 

 

Luisa raises a brow, and puffs out her chest a little. 

 

“I’d rather just watch.” 

 

Susanna can firmly say that chores have never been as  _ exciting _ as they are at this moment. She feels a blush creep up her neck, and looks down at the sudsy water, trying to slow her breathing. 

 

Luisa makes the tiniest of noises from over her shoulder, little sighs and hums of approval as Susanna’s forearms begin to ache from exertion (seriously, there are way too many dishes for a four-person meal). She hears Tyler’s giggles from upstairs as Luisa’s arms wrap around her waist and she begins to pepper kisses along the right side of her neck. 

 

“Let me finish.” 

 

Luisa stays pressed into her back as she grabs a towel and dries the dishes, placing them on a rack to dry. 

 

“I hate you,” Susanna sighs, melting back onto her heels (all too aware of the press of Luisa’s breasts against her back). 

 

“Mmmmmhmmm.” 

 

She can  _ feel _ Luisa’s smile. 

 

Susanna loves her family, but if there were ever a time to be an orphan, now would be it. 

 

And then suddenly, the contact is gone. 

 

“Alright, that’s that. Shall we study!”

 

In an instant, Luisa has turned off her seductress mode and gone back to family-friendly girlfriend. 

 

(It probably has something to do with the pitter-pat of footie pajamas coming to wish them good night.) 

_

 

Luisa had gone home with Susanna that afternoon, which gives them a great excuse to finish what they started on the couch of her suite in the Marbella.

 

“You know I can’t stay very long, my mother’s not an idiot,” Susanna exhales as Luisa maps the slope of her collarbone with her lips. 

 

“You have twenty minutes to feasibly blame traffic.” 

 

“I’ll give you ten.” 

 

(With one hand, Susanna reaches behind herself to set an alarm on her phone. Just in case.) 

 

Susanna’s hands find purchase on Luisa’s hips, the fabric of her dress riding up to reveal tanned thighs. Instinctively, she moves to caress them. They feel like silk. and fire. 

 

Luisa’s nails rake down her back, and she shudders against the brunette. 

 

“Fuck, we should probably stop.” 

 

Luisa pouts playfully, but pulls back without hesitation. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

(Luisa always intentional about checking in, never pushing Susanna to go faster than she’s ready for. It’s one of the many reasons she feels grateful to be a lesbian, to be honest.) 

 

“More than okay,” Susanna smiles, ”But I want more time with you.” 

 

“I’m not making you uncomfortable? I’ve been told I can get a little carried away…” 

 

Susanna pushes herself up on her elbows to sit beside Luisa and hold her hand. 

 

“I can’t pretend that I don’t think about the fact that you’re more… experienced, but I trust you. I trust this. And I have zero hang-ups about having sex, I’m not waiting, if that’s what you mean, I would just rather not be murdered by my mother after the fact because I had poor time management skills.”  

 

“You make a fair point,” Luisa sighs, dramatically, “Now go home before you’re grounded forever and I never get to see you again.” 

_

 

Ms. Barnett agrees to take the traffic excuse this time, but Susanna is on thin ice for future rendezvous. Fortunately she keeps the lecture to a minimum and Susanna retreats to her room, gingerly shutting the door. She slips into pajamas before crawling into bed and checking her messages. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:35 PM**

_ Seriously, i hope you know you can tell me if things are moving too fast. I promise I can be patient for you.  _

 

Luisa’s just being sweet, but Susanna feels a little annoyed. 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:40 PM**

_ Please. It’s not as if I haven’t already thought of everything. _

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:40 PM**

_ Oh, REALLY?  _

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:41 PM**

_ I told you there was no need to corrupt me.  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 9:42 PM**

_ And here i had been holding out on fantasizing about you out of respect. Susanna Barnett, you are full of surprises.  _

 

_ (what do you think about)  _

 

Susanna hesitates, feeling both a rush at the thought of Luisa, breathless and waiting for her reply, and trepidation at taking this next step. 

 

(It’s short lived, but she does her best to draw out the suspense.)

 

**Susanna Barnett, 9:45 PM**

_ I want to be a detective, Luisa. I like to imagine possibilities.  _

 

_ The way you feel under my touch.  _

 

_ The way you taste. _

 

_ The way you look when you come.  _

 

_ (you know, the usual stuff.)  _

 

There’s a lull on the other end of the line, and Susanna’s heart pounds (among other things), as she waits. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 10:00 PM**

_ Fksfad;jkdasffadsfladkjldfajsljfkasddfs;aj _

 

_ You wouldn’t have had to imagine if you had been here with me five minutes ago.  _

 

_ ;) _

 

Well.

 

**Susanna Barnett, 10:01 PM**

_ I surrender. You win. Good night.  _

 

_ _ _

 

School and work and life decide to get extra busy for the next two weeks, so when the day of the wedding arrives, Susanna feels a bit like a stranger as she pulls up to the Marbella. 

 

“Thank god you’re here- I was looking for an excuse to run away from bridesmaid duty.” 

 

Luisa’s hair is pinned in an elaborate updo, her teal dress highlighting the warm bronze of her tan (and her shapely calves). 

 

“You look. Wow. Um. Really good. I mean, beautiful.” 

 

Luisa smirks. 

 

“I’ll take it. You look  _ amazing.”  _

 

Susanna feels a little self-conscious in her slate suit, but true to Rafael’s word, it fits like a glove, and her black pumps give her a boost of unearned confidence. 

 

They link arms and saunter into the reception hall, where Luisa is quick to steer them clear of the bar.  She drags Susanna to her father, eager to introduce her date. 

 

“Dad! I’d like you to meet my date, Susanna.” 

 

Susanna extends her hand toward Mr. Solano. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Sir.” 

 

He accepts her hand, saying “The pleasure is all mine,” but the look he gives Luisa says otherwise. 

 

“We’ll talk about this later,” he demands, before brusquely turning to finish his preparations. 

 

Luisa’s smile fades, and it seems the rest of the evening is downhill from there. 

 

The ceremony is on the beach, trite but picturesque, with a much smaller audience than the blowout reception. Susanna sits in the back, noting how uncomfortable Luisa looks, how she cringes when her father kisses the latest in a long line of step-mothers. 

 

As soon as the procession finishes she’s back at Susanna’s side. 

 

“Was I too obvious?”

 

“I think most folks would think the tears were of joy?” 

 

“Of course,” Luisa sniffles,” Who wouldn’t be happy that their new mother jokes they’ll be mistaken for sisters.” 

 

They lurk in the corner and make smalltalk with family friends, before Emilio seeks them out, with Elena and Rose Di Nola at his side. 

 

“Luisa, you know Miss. Di Nola and her daughter, yes?” 

 

(Susanna is summarily ignored.) 

 

Elena’s pleasantries are perfunctory, but Rose lingers. 

 

“Really, Luisa? I thought she was just a rebellious phase. You can do so much better.” 

 

“Than a narcissistic closet case? Please. Where’s your boyfriend?” 

 

(Susanna has never seen Luisa bitter. It’s disconcerting.)

 

Rose brushes her perfectly manicured nails against Luisa’s wrist. 

 

“We broke up. Do you want to get out of here?” 

 

Okay, that was enough. 

 

“Luisa! I think I left something out in my car, could you help me get it?” 

 

Rose may know how to manipulate, but nothing can beat the venomous smile of a southern woman. 

 

“Sorry to hear about your breakup, Rose. Bless your heart.” 

 

Susanna shakes her head ruefully before storming away with Luisa on her heels. 

 

“Thank you. Ugh, I need a drink. No, I don’t need a drink, I  _ want  _ a drink, but I will not have one, because one bad night is not a reason to destroy my hard-earned sobriety.” 

 

“Hey, slow down. It’s okay. You’re okay. You did good in there. “

 

“Do we have to go back?”

 

“Absolutely not.” 

 

Luisa leads them back to her suite, silent and jittery in the elevator, a lit fuse. 

 

Before she knows what’s hit her, Susanna is pinned to the wall, strong hands unbuttoning her blouse. 

 

This isn’t right. It’s not the Luisa she knows. 

 

“LUISA!” 

 

Her voice is louder than she expected, but it achieves the desired effect. 

 

“What in the world is going on?” 

 

All the energy in Luisa’s body drains as she slumps on the bed, her clouded eyes clearing as she shakes herself back to the present. Unbidden, sobs burst forth from her crumpled form. 

  
“ _I miss my mom.”_

 

Susanna holds her until the tears subside, until they are both too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep, fully clothed, on top of the blankets. 

  
Rafael comes in a few hours later, and places their shoes by the door, grateful that this time, the scent of alcohol doesn’t travel on his sister’s heavy breathing. 


	11. It's My Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susanna turns 18. Andrew comes to visit. Luisa is a sweetheart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BEEN A MONTH, I KNOW. 
> 
> Thank you to those who checked in and voiced your interest in this story. 
> 
> I must confess that I've lost steam- I'm much more of a one-shotter at heart and plot is exhausting. 
> 
> (Also I found out that I've had mono the past couple months so finding energy to write has been a struggle, but I'm on the mend!) 
> 
> This chapter was pretty haphazard and unedited, but hopefully it satisfies your fluff quotients.

Susanna isn’t expected to be woken on the morn of her eighteenth birthday by the incessant ringing of her front doorbell, but life is full of surprises these days. 

 

“I’m coming, keep your damn pants on,” she grumbles, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and making sure nothing is inappropriately spilling out of her pajamas. 

 

She can scarcely turn the doorknob before Andrew envelops her in a lung-crushing bear hug. 

 

“You could have called or texted like a normal person, you know,” she murmurs into his shoulder. 

 

“Sure, but when have  _ we  _ done normal?” 

 

He releases her, and they take a moment to absorb what change the past 4 months have wrought. 

 

Autumn is the season of metamorphosis, after all. 

 

“Also, I’ve been awake for 24 hours and I drove all night to get her so my judgment might have been a bit impaired. Can I use your bathroom and then collapse on your bed for a few hours?” 

 

Susanna rolls her eyes, ushering him upstairs and setting about getting dressed and making breakfast. 

 

(Apparently she’s become exceptionally maternal since they parted ways last summer. It’s annoying.) 

_ 

 

Andrew emerges from his nap coma in time to help Ms. Barnett with Susanna’s birthday dinner (he borrows an extra “Kiss the Cook” apron), but he abandons her in the kitchen when Luisa arrives. 

 

Within seconds, they’re huddled on the couch, discussing Andrew’s self-described “epic” plan for her birthday celebration. 

 

“.... Okay, so I was thinking we hit RUSH first, then the Drag Strip, then finish off at Evergaydes “

 

“Wow, you’ve really done your homework, Andrew. I’m impressed.” 

 

“Only the best for our girl.”

 

“She might hate you by the end of the night, you know?” 

 

“One, she will never hate me. Two, she will never have deathbed regrets about not being dragged to gay bars in her youth. I’m just doing the lord’s work.” 

 

“Well, god bless you child.” 

 

“I’m right here,” Susanna shouts through a grin as she bounces Tyler on her lap. 

 

(He has promised her 18 hugs for each year of her life, but can only count to 6 right now, so it’s a bit of a struggle.) 

 

“Make it all about you why don’t you- it’s like you think the world revolves around you. Geez, Susanna, you make me sick sometimes with your selfishness,” Andrew deadpans. 

 

“How can I make it up to you?” 

 

“Wellllllll, since  _ you two  _ obviously actually like each other, which is kind of disgusting, but I’m happy for you, honestly, even if it makes me a little bitter, i’m working on it, I promise, but  _ maybe  _ you could work your wingwoman charm?” 

 

“Yes, Andrew, I will hold your bag while you dance.” 

_ 

Dinner is honestly lovely. 

 

Luisa holds her hand through the meal, and keeps stealing these looks, like Susanna is the most important person in the world, and maybe to her she  _ is _ and adulthood feels alive with possibility. 

 

(Her mom only cries a little bit when she blows out the candles on her cake. Grandma’s red velvet recipe, natch.) 

 

In fact, her birthday is shaping up to be the best one yet when her mom’s pager buzzes. 

 

“Seriously? Dammit. Ugh, I am so, so, sorry y’all, but it looks like I’m going to have to go into work tonight. I’ll try to get a hold of the sitter to see if she can make it over here last minute for Ty.” 

 

“Mom, it’s okay, I don’t have to go out-” 

 

(Andrew shoots her a dirty look like he  _ knows _ she’s trying to weasel her way out of his plans)

 

“-I can watch Tyler.” 

 

Everyone stops, considering Luisa’s offer.  Tyler looks like he’s seeing Santa Claus in the flesh, Andrew looks like the cat who caught the canary, and Ms. Barnett looks at once elated and suspicious. 

 

Susanna breaks the silence. 

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to abandon you with a toddler to go have a night of debauchery? We can all stay in tonight and go tomorrow- I can wait until I’m Eighteen-and-a-day…”

 

  
“-NO!” Luisa interjects,  _ strangely  _ emphatic. 

 

(Maybe Susanna’s mom has cause for her trepidation) 

 

“I mean, Tyler and I get along, right lil dude? And honestly, it might be a safer bet for me not to be at a club tonight, even if we’re all sober.” 

 

Ms. Barnett weighs her options, while responding to the page. 

 

“I should be back by midnight- one at the latest. Susanna, Andrew, I expect you home by two, or you will not leave this house until your nineteenth birthday. Luisa, I will show you the babysitter book while these two get ready.” 

 

She shoos Susanna and Andrew upstairs, as Luisa scoops up Tyler onto her hip. 

 

“I actually wanted to ask you something, a huge favor, feel free to say no but it would be a nice surprise and I haven’t gotten Susanna anything else-”

 

“-just let it out Luisa, I know you’re trying to bribe me into agreeing to something.” 

_ 

 

Andrew tsks and hmmms and  _ groans  _ as he ransacks Susanna’s closet for  _ anything  _ remotely nightlife appropriate. 

 

“Susanna. You’ve turned into a Doug cartoon in my absence. HOW MANY SWEATSHIRTS DOES ONE GIRL NEED. I mean, I know you’re an athlete, but still.”

 

“I got nostalgic for UA once I left?” 

 

“THANK GOD SOMETHING BLACK. This will have to do- I’ll make a Sandy-at-the-end-of-Grease of you yet.” 

 

Susanna still feels a little nauseated at the idea of being surrounded by strangers all night, but she knows it’s a small price of entry to have Andrew here the whole week, and, he’s right, it will lift a weight off her shoulders just to get it over with. 

 

The look Luisa gives her when they return to the living room bolsters her confidence (and makes her want to ditch every previous plan for the evening without a second thought).

 

Her mom hugs everyone before reminding them that her pager is on and she will be checking her cell phone every break and in case of an actual emergency PLEASE CALL THE NURSE’S STATION THIS TIME and rushing out the door. 

 

“Tyler, you have to be good for Luisa, or she’s never coming over again, okay?” 

 

Susanna kneels down, making eye contact to ensure Tyler understands the gravity of the situation. 

 

“I will be good! I’ll be the goodest boy!!!!” 

 

Luisa gives Andrew a quick hug and then pulls Susanna in for a long embrace, kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear. 

 

“I’ll have my phone on if you need to vent. You look realllllly hot- don’t be too surprised if all the ladies start hitting on you, okay? Go get ‘em, Tiger.” 

 

Susanna just laughs into her neck before Andrew pushes them both out the door. 

_ 

 

Susanna is expecting Andrew to blast his much-touted pump-up playlist, but his face turns serious as they head downtown. 

 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

 

“It’ll be fun, right? You haven’t let me down yet.” 

 

“Not even that night we ended up at a drag show in a UU church basement in Birmingham?”

 

“I will cherish that story for the rest of my days.” 

 

They contemplate the clandestine thrills of queer Alabama life in silence for a moment. 

 

“You really like Luisa, don’t you?” 

 

“I have for a long time- you were the one that had to listen to all my bitching and moaning.” 

 

“But now that you’re together, it’s still good?” 

 

“Surprisingly so? I don’t know, sometimes I’m still shocked that she actually likes me, that it’s not a dream that I’m waiting to wake up from.” 

 

“I can’t believe you still haven’t had sex. Two months is like a decade in gay years.” 

 

“The timing hasn’t been right- you know how terrifying my mom can be. It’s not like we don’t  _ want  _ to.” 

 

“Okay, I don’t need  _ all  _ of the juicy details, Su. Leave a little mystery, please.” 

 

Andrew has always been protective of Susanna’s heart. She defended him from bullies, and meddling church ladies, and overzealous acting partners, and he ensures that no woman will ever do her wrong if he’s got anything to say about it. 

 

But he recognizes happiness when he sees it, and this new Susanna is braver and bolder than the one he knew in Tuscaloosa. No matter what girls come and go, they’ll keep the thread through strange cities and changing accents and learning to be who they never thought they could. 

_ 

 

Clubs are  _ loud.  _

 

Susanna had expected sensory overload, but no amount of mental preparation can slow her heartrate. Andrew gamely pulls her out on the dancefloor for a few numbers, but it’s a total dudefest and she can only keep up with him for about fifteen minutes before bowing out to stake claim to a barstool. 

 

She rummages through a deluge of selfies from Luisa while keeping half an eye trained on Andrew and his dance partner. 

 

She snaps her own photo. 

 

**Susanna Barnett, 10:35 PM**

_ At least now i will never have to live in fear of knowing whether or not i am destined for a life of partying and jetsetting, but for trying  _

 

**Luisa Alver, 10:36 PM**

_ That bad?  _

_ Send me a picture of your face!  _

_ BOYS ARE GROSS _

_ Except Tyler _

_ And even then, that’s only because he reminds me so much of you  _

 

She obliges, dim lighting and all. 

 

**Luisa Alver, 10:40 PM**

_ Rrrrawr _

_ You should know that i am looking at all your baby photos as reward for bedtime:accomplished.  _

_ Cute from day 1.  _

 

Susanna smiles easily, and whether she means to or not, Luisa makes her worries and insecurities about being here tonight evaporate. 

 

Andrew finds her after his latest favorite ends, sweaty and glowing and exceptionally joyful.

 

“It is so nice to be around men who aren’t hateful repressed closet cases!” 

 

“I’m happy for you,” Susanna beams. 

 

“And you hate it here.”

 

“A little? It’s just. Loud. And, I understand why people get very drunk before going out. We don’t all have your constitution.” 

 

“Well, this was the club I wanted to hit the most anyway, but I refuse to go home this early on a Saturday night. Your pick, anywhere in the city.” 

 

Susanna has them out of the club faster than she would care to admit, and navigates them to a beat-up looking diner. 

 

Andrew raises an eyebrow as he gets out of his seat, but complies without protest. 

 

“If you make me dance, you have to feed me carbs afterwards. Rules is rules, partner.” 

 

“Okay, Calamity Jane. My treat.” 

_

 

She’s draining the last of her chocolate malt when her phone rings. 

 

“Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah- your mom just got home and Tyler’s sound asleep. Where are y’all? Can you even here me?” 

 

“I made Andrew buy me french fries as retribution for 2 hours of club remixes.” 

 

“Well, when you get done, meet me at the Marbella? I promise I have your mother’s permission.” 

 

“Um. Okay? We ought to make similar time.” 

 

“What was that about?” Andrew queries between mouthfuls of hamburger (“just because I’m not drunk doesn’t mean I have to eat like I’m sober,” he’d justified”).

 

“Apparently we’re having a slumber party.” 

_

“My father is in Greece on the world’s longest honeymoon and these suites were unbooked for the week, so I set up a little staycation for y’all while Andrew is visiting,” Luisa explains as she quietly leads them through the hotel corridors. 

 

“And here I was thinking you forgot to get me a present.” 

 

“Trust me, the room was nothing compared to convincing your mom to let you spend the night with me.” 

 

“Please tell me I have a room to myself and the walls are thick.” 

 

“Yes, Andrew, no girl cooties for you. If it makes you feel better, the clerk in the lobby is single and he was totally checking you out.” 

 

_

 

Andrew needn’t have had cause for worry, truth be told. Despite her remarks about Susanna’s club attire, Luisa falls asleep in a matter of minutes once her back hits the mattress of their luxurious king. Toddlers are  _ exhausting.  _  Susanna spoons her, admiring the peaceful beauty of the brunette. Before she can think about it, she’s asleep as well, nuzzling further into the warmth beside her. 

 

The beachfront view of their room features wide bay windows that let in the moonlight, and when Susanna returns from the restroom in the middle of the night she sees Luisa splayed out in clear definition, a lazy goddess. 

 

She opens sleepy eyes as Susanna attempts to crawl over her starfished form. 

 

“Hey, beautiful, come here often?” 

 

“Go back to sleep.” 

 

“Make me.” 

 

And somehow the feel of skin against skin moves from comforting to electrifying, and Susanna finds her mouth on Luisa’s, her hands entangled in long brown hair and altogether too many clothes. 

 

Luisa pulls back, whispering hoarsely. 

 

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” 

 

Susanna pulls off her own shirt by way of answer. 

_

 

“Best. Birthday. Ever.” 

 

“Mmmmhmmmm.” 

 

Luisa yawns, sated and catlike, draping her (now nude) body over Susanna’s to revel in this new level of closeness. 

 

“Why are you so sweet to me?”

 

Luisa opens one eye to fix Susanna with an incredulous stare. 

 

“Because I love you.” 

 

And just like that, she’s out once more  like a light.

  
“I love you, too,” Susanna whispers into her ear, “even if you snore.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll try to wrap this up in three chapters or so? Thank you, Susanna Barnett Denial Squad, for sticking with me through these hard times. I'm contemplating a real!Susanna AU following the s2 finale, so lemme know if that's your cup of tea.


	12. I Hope You Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't have a high school story without prom, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SO WE COME TO THE END. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with what turned from a small prompt into the most words i've ever written. 
> 
> Hopefully it's satisfying, if cliche!

The rest of the break passes much too quickly for Susanna’s liking. Luisa spends the rest of her week catching up on the clinic, leaving her and Andrew to explore the city and spend the late morning drinking coffee on the beach. 

 

“I can’t believe I have to go back to Alabama. Do you think your school will let me just finish the year here? I could pass as your brother, right?” 

 

“You wouldn’t do that to your parents. They’ll have a hard time enough letting you go to New York in the fall without you ditching them early.” 

“ _ If  _ I go to New York. Auditions aren’t til February. It’s really competitive.” 

 

Doubt shadows across Andrew’s chiseled jaw. 

 

“Oh, come on, you’re amazing! The world just doesn’t know it yet. So you go to New York, and you show them, and you remember the little people when you make it big.” 

 

“Oh please, like you get to be the ‘little people’ with your sugar mama situation.”

 

He’s returning to their usual playful banter, but Susanna starts in hurt confusion. 

 

“Do you really think that’s all this is? I mean, I try not to think about money too much, but this whole week kind of feels like playing pretend. I’m waiting for the bubble to burst.”

 

“Suze, that’s not what I meant. I was being thoughtless. Luisa really cares about you, even I can see it and I am entirely oblivious where genuine human emotion is concerned.” 

 

“But her dad…” 

 

“Is apparently an asshole, from what you’ve told me, but that doesn’t change the way Luisa feels about you.” 

 

He stands, shaking the sand out of his flip flops. 

 

“Now, I have 24 hours left in this glorious city, and I would like to overload on culture before I am thrust back into the land of the Crimson Tide.” 

_

 

Rafael doesn’t have much to do this week, given that his dad is away and Luisa has decided to take a honeymoon, too, apparently (he should be careful what he wishes for, really). He finds himself wandering around the Marbella, running on the beach, swimming laps in the pool, certainly not trying to run into Jane as she picks up extra shifts over the school holiday. 

 

He knows that despite his ever-broadening shoulders and deepening voice, the chance of anything actually happening is a long-shot, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when he sees her leave with Michael Cordero, arm in arm, stealing a quick peck in the parking lot. 

 

It’s not spite that makes him throw a party on Friday night on the private beach. Not at all. 

 

And okay, maybe he should be “having fun,” but honestly, he doesn’t  _ do  _ fun. That was always Luisa’s domain. So, maybe instead of dancing or drinking, he just kind of broods at the edge of a firepit as his classmates make asses of themselves. 

 

“You know, some people go to parties to have a good time.” 

 

Petra’s voice is deep, and rich, and more than a little seductive. She’s younger than most people think- sixteen to Rafael’s fifteen, the product of skipped grades and a relentlessly ambitious mother, but she carries herself with the confidence of a middle-aged heiress. 

 

“Well, some people are idiots.” 

 

“Agreed. Vodka?” 

 

Petra is  _ very  _ different from Jane.  But she doesn’t pity him, or fawn over him, or treat him as anything less than a peer. He may regret the hangover in the morning, but he doesn’t regret her. 

 

They  _ work _ , in a weird way. 

_

 

The last Sunday before school resumes is supposed to be easy. Susanna and Luisa are lying on the couch in her suite, watching Netflix and reveling in their laziness. Without watchful little toddler eyes or omniscient mothers present, they find themselves tangled together, Meredith Grey and co. forgotten. 

 

“Mmmmm, I’m going to miss this.” 

 

“Are you saying I  _ can’t  _ do this during study hall?” 

 

“Something tells me you might not appreciate our audience.” 

 

Luisa pulls back, offended. 

 

“Really, you’re going to bring up straight boys at a time like this?” 

 

Susanna blushes, apologetic. 

 

“I won’t say another word.” 

 

“That’s more like it.” 

 

Luisa gets this gleam in her eye in moments like this, like Susanna is something to be  _ devoured.  _ It’s strange, she thinks, how leering stares from football players make her blood run cold, and yet being objectified by Luisa feels like an honor and a privilege. 

 

She doesn’t have much time to analyze the female gaze, because Luisa’s hands are  _ there  _ and she’s doing that  _ thing  _ with her teeth that makes Susanna’s Alabama come out, all “ _ oh my word _ ” and “  _ Jesus”  _ and “f _ or the love of all that is holy don’t stop so help me god.” _

 

And then, 

 

The door springs open and Emilo Solano’s baritone rings out as he rounds the corner. 

 

“Luisa, we thought we’d surprise you! I have the clothes you like from Italy… GET. OUT.” 

 

Susanna knows good and well when she’s not wanted, and Mr. Solano makes no effort to hide his disdain. 

 

She is grateful in this moment for life’s small mercies. 

 

Like the fact that her running shorts and t-shirt make for a much less compromising adjustment than anything with zippers and buttons. 

 

That she and Luisa have quick reflexes and were at least halfway decent by the time Mr. Solano actually saw them. 

 

That, to her knowledge, no one has ever died from sheer embarrassment. 

_ 

 

“You know, you didn’t kick anyone out any of the other times I’ve had someone over,” Luisa pouts, arms crossed over chest, gaze steely. 

 

She and her father both manage to keep the loudness of their voices contained, but their anger bristles under the facade of calm. 

 

“You weren’t serious about the others.” 

 

“Oh, so being a lesbian is bad only when feelings are attached?” 

 

Her father scoffs. 

 

“Please, this isn’t about homosexuality. That girl is beneath you.” 

 

“Well she  _ was _ , before you kicked her out.” 

 

  
“This is not the time for jokes, Luisa. Nothing good can come from mingling with the working class.” 

 

“My mother wasn’t wealthy.” 

 

“And look how that turned out.” 

_

 

Susanna hesitates  in the parking lot, hedging her bets as to how long Luisa’s conversation with her father will take, and whether Luisa will even want to see her afterwards. 

 

Her vacillation is interrupted by a pair of slender arms around her waist and a choked sob released into her neck. 

 

“Hey, it’ll be all right,” she soothes, rubbing Luisa’s back in small circles, the way her mother did in her younger years. 

 

“I hate him! He- he…” She trails off, dissolving into a puddle of tears as Susanna holds her under the lukewarm glow of the streetlamp. 

 

“Stay with me tonight? I bet my mom will even let you share my bed.” 

_ 

 

“Luisa, you need to make a decision on your college applications.” 

 

It’s been three months of strained half-conversations and convenient excuses not to be at home, and Luisa is frankly a little surprised her father has even bothered to keep track of her admissions process. Rafael made her an elaborate excel spreadsheet detailing the pros and cons of all her options along with lifetime career earnings projections for physicians graduating 

from each undergrad program. (He’s a little overzealous in his distraction-to-get-over-Jane.)

 

“I submitted my acceptance to state yesterday.” 

 

His face darkens. 

 

“Without telling me.” 

 

She sits up straight in her chair, defiant. 

 

“It’s not your decision.” 

 

“I am your father, and I deserve some input on your education if I’m to be paying for it.” 

 

“Well, then don’t pay for it!” 

 

“You could have gone to an Ivy League- I hope you know you’re throwing away your future for this Susanna girl.” 

 

“Stop blaming everything on her!” 

 

Luisa is seeing red right now. No matter what she says to him, her father is incapable of hearing her. 

 

“What, so you want me to believe that she has no influence in you choosing a piss-poor state school over the best that money can buy?” 

 

Luisa inhales, slowing her thoughts before she loses control of her words. 

 

“That’s just it, dad. I don’t want to  _ buy  _ my way into a future. I want to earn it. And if that means going to a public school on a scholarship with a few student loans, so be it.” 

 

Suddenly, her father softens. 

 

“Your mother was always very stubborn. She did not like for me to buy her nice things. I did not do as right by her as I should have, I think.” 

 

Luisa maintains her resolve, but she can’t help but soften a little at the mention of her mother’s personality, so few are the snippets of memory she has left. 

 

“She would have wanted you to pick the public university. She would have wanted you to know that you are no better than anyone else. But I cannot help but think that you deserve the best in the world.” 

 

“I’m sure Rafael will take you up on the Harvard thing.” 

 

“At least let me ensure that you aren’t in a destitute student apartment.” 

 

“I think I might be able to compromise on that.” 

_

Susanna never really planned on attending Senior Prom. 

 

  1. Dancing is horrible, see: clubbing with Andrew.
  2. She wasn’t exactly clamoring for dates in years 1,2,3 of high school. 
  3. Formal wear is a nightmare. 



 

But Luisa is all  _ of course we’re going to prom are you kidding me you never let me show you off!  _

So here she stands, waiting in the lobby of Luisa’s suite for her to finish her hair. 

 

“I promised my mom I would have you over by 6 for pictures.” 

 

“You can’t rush a curling iron, Susanna! Do you want me to look like Medusa?”

 

“I can think of a few people I’d like you to turn to stone…” 

 

She hears a deep male voice clear behand her. 

 

“Ms. Barnett?” 

 

Mr. Solano looks almost… contrite? 

 

“Yes, sir?” 

 

“I believe I owe you an apology. You obviously make my Luisa very happy, and it was unfair for me to judge you based on outward appearances.” 

 

Susanna looks nervously down at her own ensemble, bare nails and all. 

 

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate you saying that.” 

 

“If it’s not too much to ask, I wonder… may I join you at your mother’s house for these photographs? I fear that I do not have enough pictures of Luisa smiling.” 

 

Well. This night is already full of surprises. 

 

“Um. Yes, sir, of course?” 

 

“I thought, perhaps, that you two might enjoy taking the town car tonight for your festivities.”

 

Luisa, hearing the conversation,  _ finally  _ pops her perfectly coiffed head out of the restroom, applying a final layer of lip gloss. 

 

Susanna raises an eyebrow. 

 

“That would be great dad, thank you.” 

_ 

 

The photo session is incredibly awkward, what with Susanna’s mom crying and Luisa’s dad trying to make sense of the dynamo that is Tyler. But despite the teen angst that makes her want to rip up these damn high heels and eschew the social hierarchy of high school, Susanna recognizes that she is loved and accepted in this moment, and that’s worth any amount of social discomfort. 

(The town car  _ is  _ really nice, and the back seat is quite roomy.)

 

Prom is a hot mess, honestly. 

 

The playlist is terrible and apparently Rose and Dirk are together for good this go round, as evidenced by their insistence on grinding to even the slowest numbers.  

 

But, as it turns out, dancing isn’t so terrible. 

 

Not when you’re the only two people in the room. 

  
**_FIN._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always here to talk about Susanna Barnett and precious darling angel Luisa Alver- inbox me on tumblr @blueblue-baby with ur feels and ideas! 
> 
> I'm gonna dig back into a few other fandoms but I hope to make a s3 AU happen by the fall. 
> 
> luv u,  
> mean it  
> -bbb


End file.
